Pitiable Pizarro

I want a movie from the perspective of a pitiable member of Pizzaro's army.

Max Happine$$

I try to use money to maximize happiness, mostly my own. A gift costs the same price but creates more happiness.

Vending Machine Companies

Vending Machine company, great way to get product out but underutilized for different products.

Stenographer for a Squirrel

Having ADD is like being a stenographer for a squirrel.

Where is Fancy Bread

What % of geniuses enter which fields by choice? Where is there the least competition. Where is the most innovation being focused.

Grand Education

Am I deluded by the grandeur of education and the prospect of knowledge? Too late now

Aspirations of Outlandishness

I have aspirations of outlandishness. Unlike obsessions about accidentally blurting out something inappropriate and creating compulsions to attempt to stop, I aspire to my obsessions and inaction becomes my compulsion.

Animal theft

Would you feel bad stealing from a squirrel?

Chronic Joint Inflamation

I need MJ for my chronic joint inflammation.

High School

High School represents a extreme of high self efficacy within an extremely limited sphere of influence during a period of predominate low influence within unforeseen horizons.

A Strange Prison Story

A man was sent to prison but prison in the community is atop a tall pillar where the solitary prisoner would live. They could admire the world going on but would be too distant to engage in it. The torture is showing what they are missing. Ironically, the prisoners end up becoming the mot knowledgeable about society and its working and we follow the prisoner going through the revelations of knowledge. He begins almost completely ignorant, smart but untaught to society, born and "raised" in the wild. Things noticed are at first strange to the prisoner but with time to work them out he finds solutions. Sometimes these conclusions are erroneous and sometimes correct by future knowledge or by a re-evaluation of, recent learned knowledge and their potential impacts. Some are never corrected and potentially overlay with the authors conceptions of societal flaws. Beginning with prisoner attempting to shout down but falling on deaf ears.

Static Paradigms

Have you ever come up with an analogy so convincing and persuasive that you are blinded by new knowledge that doesn't fit within the paradigm? Check yo'self.

Likely Rivals

I don't know if I would get a better reaction trolling Gloria Steinem fans with Lil' Wayne or the other way around.

Gloria Stienem

I want to ask Louie C.K. "How can I combine career and family?" in a public setting.

As the world turns

Sometimes the only thing keeping me going is forgetting that I'm already in motion.

Comforting Fixation

Anything can become comforting during a period of fixation. That's why you should test everything you love by leaving it for a little while and coming back just to make sure it isn't just comfort and also so there is still excitement in the relationship and you don't become overly habituated.

Cop video game

Is there a games where you are a cop working your way up in corruption and ranking.

Kid ego's

If kids weren't so egotistical they would be much harder to handle. Feeling that someone is watching you is almost entirely inconsistent with reality. This is why it feels like parents have eyes in the back of their head. This feeling than carries over to when they aren't actually being watched. Problem kids come about when they have inattentive parents and they feel the can escape the eye.

Our generation

I feel like the only true artists in our generation are all scientists you just don't see them because they stand out in a direction that provides a more concrete value to society. Notable exceptions: Kanye West, Lady Gaga

Blue chips

I see tech jobs as the most efficient step towards automation of society. The closer we can get to fewer jobs needed dedicated to survival of species and more toward entertainment will hopefully eventually turn us into an artisanal society where the only value is placed in art(the world's definition of art will approach mine) because everything else is provided.

Easier to find

Is it easier to be famous than to impress your friends? to be famous all you have to do is be extreme for one moment For your friends you have to maintain incredibility for much longer.

Selfish Fashion

The key to fashion is to be selfish about it, it's not what you are wearing but that YOU are the one wearing it. The clothes are static what can be different is the whole picture, you define the whole picture. If you don't treat fashion this way you in my opinion you are just playing dress up.

What internet?

I think its funny when people try to give illustrative example of why the internet is so great. The internet is so versatile that any concrete example invariably falls short and makes the speaker sound like they actually have limited knowledge of the subject. "You can play solitaire on it!"

No skydiving

Imma tie a sign on a balloon that says "no skydiving".

Fighting for Conflict

The idea of being a character in a story is the implied adventure. Every story has conflict thrust upon it. In real life you have to fight for conflict.

Will Power

Is will power just another term for the direction of consious thought?

Sexual transmissions

Are the neurotransmitters released during consensual sex dramatically different from those released during rape?

Public speaking technique

Have everyone repeat after me "I will..." This bind them in a verbal agreement that they will feel more entitled to support.

Cost of Hope

How much $ is hope worth?

Internet Culture

Cross cultural study comparing internet culture with culture of people IRL

Fake it till you make it

Fake it till you make it... then continue to fake it for the rest of your life. It will continue to get more instinctive through experience. As Aristotle wrote, "We are what we repeatedly do, excellence therefore is not an act but a habit."

Subserviance

Subservient people need superior knowledge of rules.

Life Question to Solve

How do we transform "academic knowledge" to "common knowledge".

Judging Bias

As top tier lawyers are know for high percentages of conviction or acquittal, judges would be aware of this and a confirmation bias would be present.

Better Lover

I bet you'll discover I'm a better lover when you're tethered to a feather bed under the covers

Increased carrying capacity

I would like to see a pie chart the detailed major technical impacts percentage impact on increasing carrying capacity. Start with segmentation by category, nutritional, medical, etc and then become specifics become difficult.

Balanced Journalism

"Does balanced journalism mean finding people to support stupid ideas" good character/reoccuring sketch where ridiculous opinions are voiced with even time.

Worst Karaoke Song

Why Don't We Do it in the Road

Plastic bag ban

I picked up a hooker on Sammish way and she charged me 5 cents for not bringing my own bag.

Parenthood

Being a parent is like watching over you friend who has taken way too many mushrooms while you have also taken a reasonable amount of mushrooms. You don't really know what you are doing and whats going on but you're pretty sure they shouldn't be putting that in their mouth. One of the best analogies I have heard from a standup I can't remember.

Listen Up Johnny

One great thing about having kids is they have to listen to all the stupid things you say and they even think you are smart.

Table Top Trust Fall

Table top trust fall for a surprising flash of a range of emotions.

Create, Evaluate, Analyze

Begin discussions by randomly selecting students to make a statement about a given topic on the board. The statement can have elements of truth or be completely false, it doesn't matter and the student doesn't have to tell anyone if they think its true or not. The class instead has a discussion as to weather or not they think the statement is true or not. Additional suggestions Place a despised but necessary task after discussion so that it could be pushed back by a longer discussion for participation motivation. This exercise provides Understanding of value statements through the gradual realization of what kinds of statements lead to longer discussions. Discover the complexity of issues combined with varying perspective.

Top of the Class

In any size group of children, some will rise to the top and some will sink to the bottom. Therefore we should regularly segment off the top rather than remove from the bottom so that everyone else will be rewarded for positive achievement and utilizes social structures.

Manifest destiny #1

Adam and Eve tells the story that even in a perfect world man is destined to sin. A poor environment can therefore not be an excuse for sin.

Sextuple Negative

He incorrectly rejected the null hypothesis of no reduced depression.

Running in the Halls

I'm going to start a petition to allow running in the halls. Kids issues are under represented in our legislation.

What is that

Sometimes I follow a random train of thought and it takes me to places where I don't have knowledge so I end up asking the people around me some ridiculous non-sequiturs. It always seems like I'm asking grammatical questions out of context "What is that?" "No sorry, I mean what part of speech is the word that"

Product Placement

Tv/movie product search BIG IDEA

Hunter/Gatherer

In the paleolithic era, a defining gender roles of society was of men hunting and women were gathering. This defines a large portion of the differences between men and women (here I must give deference to the miracle of childbirth). While many qualities that make men superior hunters to women are immediately obvious to me,(just look at the Olympics), the comparable qualities that make women better at gathering escape me. Does anyone have some answers?

Fame

I think celebrities should be satisfied by fame and not require fortune. This is my justification for piracy.

Mathematics is a conceptual metaphor with a human bias. We have no real way to remove this bia

Dewey

It is impossible to start a fresh train of thought. All new thought requires a previous stimulus, this is one reason why it is difficult to invent new ideas.

Open Bar

Flat rate entry fee, open bar, if its packed enough people wont be able to get many drinks and it will be worth it for the bar.

12

When I have to set an alarm for noon or midnight I usually just set it for both just in case. Yes I realize these are unreasonable times for alarms to be set for.

"Fruits and Vegetables"

I feel that fruits are unfairly paired with vegetables in our minds. Fruits are way better.

Perfection

Perfection is universal and therefore contains no individualism. I consider any action performed les perfectly, in that precise way becomes our own individual dance. I consider any behavior that is less than perfect to be a dance of individualism

New Therapy

Intensive therapy where you force someone to recognize the disconnection between what they think they want and what they really want by making a list of every like and dislike and an explanation This will allow for all opinions to be modernized from childhood ignorance. When people are cognizant of their opinions they are often inconsistent with their unconscious opinions, this disconnect causes discomfort in every decision. You avoid this by making all opinions stated and explicit.

Office Parachute

How quickly could you make a parachute out of office supplies?

When I Grow Up

What it is you want to do when you grow up changes as you get older first I choose what would be fun then I choose what I would be good ad then I choose things I think are important/match values

Rapper Body

Rap the only media source making a difference in fighting back against eating disorders

Kid Magic

A magician for kids who only uses preoperational concepts.

Person 1: I think it is important for people of all viewpoints to be respected and their opinions to be taken into consideration Person 2: I disagree

Late

Late, damn I hate this incinerate dank while I wait for my mate to piss

In Between

People who strong ability to communicate with people who speak a different language are a specialists at living in “the space between”.

The Mask

Perspective is a mask I wear so that I can live within different ranges of perspectives simultaneously. Until I have to make a decision/action/behavior than then I have to decide which cliché I want to hide behind or if I should be completely honest, if I even can.

Tacit

my tacit flow has classic pros tryna master my meter my beat

Counter Culture

I dislike counterculture as a form of rebellion because it is too cliché real rebellion is random

Make the Smart Choice

16 or 32 pack of chess set beers

Honestly

Real honesty is telling truth before you have to

Blinking

Have you ever been so tired that you try to just blink really fast and hope it adds up?

Debutant

That girl got a tiara sittin nonchalant she’s made up without mascara, a real debutant

Scrappy licks

I’m lickin up the scraps then I’m scrapin for the liquor

High as the Sky

How high is the sky? Not as high over here as it is over there

At the beginning of summer you wear your most revealing clothes until you get a tan line and then you progressively more covering clothes until its Christmas Eve and you can't put your arms down.

Pushing the Limits

To truly be able to express yourself within a medium you need to be aware of its constraints, in searching for them you can attempt to expand them and advance the entire medium or create a new one.

T-shirt text

Jackass style prank where a mischievous person has control of the text on another person on the street’s shirt.

Fractal Magic

Would it be possible to make a fractal magic eye?

A list of an people's heroes can be extremely culturally informative.

Foot Fetish

The part of your brain that is in charge of sensory perception from the genitals is right next to the part for the feet, maybe this explains the prevalence of foot fetishes.

A World Of Perspective.

The world needs a variety of philosophical perspectives in order for people to be happy in the variety of pursuits that society requires. If so, which expands first; the philosophies, or the niches in the world.

Suicide Ending

I wish that more movies would end abruptly with the main character committing suicide. This would impact every future movie I watch because I would recognize eminent suicide as a possibility, as of now it is not. This is not a good sign for the movie I'm watching.

Scary Quiet

Scary movies are better with less conversation so you can talk while you are watching and spook yourself out.

Year Round Advent

An advent calendar for every month that has a chocolate and birth control.

Pinocchio

The story of pinocchio was invented to explain why when people lie they touch their noses.

Abrasive Dress

Maybe I should dress more abrasively. Then I would ward off people who judge others by their appearance. Except then I would be as bad as they are, judging an entire person through one aspect of who they are. Also, I would attract a certain type of people, which I wouldn't want for the same reason as before.

Understanding Your Writing

When you write a novel you should do a draft from the perspective of every character so you can fully understand the story.

Going Along

Plot about a paranoid schizo and partner who is going along with the paranoia. As the story is told, the reader does not realize the paranoia is unjustified.

Entertainment Industry

Soon enough almost all industry will be entertainment.

Ambrosia

Ambrose and Ambrosia Burnside

Partly Dreaming

What if there are more devisions between being fully awake and asleep. What if some of your perceptions are dreaming and reacting to dream stimulus while you think they are awake.

Exaggerated Rap

I give rhyming poetry more leanience with meaning because I can accept exaggeration or such when working with a limited vocabulary.

Emotional Mapping

Tell a story entirely through characters expressing emotions at segmented time periods. eg.

Jon was happy, Jill was happy. Jack was sad.

Jack was sad. Jill was sad. Jon was happy.

Jon was sad Jill was sad Jack was sad

Jack was happy Jill was happy Jack was happy

To be expanded on

Possibly rearrange in different combinations and give them names according to emotional morels that they represent.

Onion #1

Potential Onion Article: Body image issues are keeping competitive girls away from performance enhancing drugs.

How to: Decide

People will make more conscientious decisions if they make them beforehand. But better informed ones the longer they wait.

Football Music

Football shaped finger guided instrument.

Visiospatial

Compare re-reading speed of normal vs. upside-down priming.

My Soul to Give

For lent this year I'm giving up my soul, "Just like Jesus did!" So if I seem like a soulless bastard the next couple of weeks, its just because my parents didn't believe in marriage "at the time"

Straighten Thoughts

Learning is not linear, things I learned in the past become fodder for new thoughts.

New Arch

The person at first seemed to be behaving erratically, but after enough interactions I had begun to discover the pattern in his beliefs and actions. After extended interaction he will become a stereotype in his own right. Soon enough I will compare others to his more strongly expressed qualities.

No Texting Allowed

A device that senses when a text within a certain area is being sent or received. It would send out an signal to publicly shame the event.

Above the Game

Book about genius millionaire becoming billionaire by playing social science on the political system.

Forest for the Trees

A visual metaphor that I would like to see in a movie is:
A man with an axe cutting down a couple of trees every day until the entire forest is gone.

Artistic Unknown

When you are attempting experimentation you should only change one variable. This is true not only in science but also in art. I learned early on that when creative ideas are combined they make the overall unrecognizable to a point that it lost its appeal. You need to approach a recognizable pattern so that people will know that it is a proven good and not react with the evolutionary fear of the unknown.
This is why to be a successful artistic experimenter you need to be well accomplished in the non experimental aspects to an almost greater extent.

Decidedly So

It wasn't a purposeful decision until I decided it was.

Performing

The only time I'm not thinking and my mind is perfectly cleared is when I am performing. All of my attention is directed at perfection in execution.

Same Dream

One of my favorite parts about attending large sporting events is when I think,
"Look at all the people dreaming the same dreams", and then watching that dream become realized or destroyed for the thousands around you.

Drum Car

In seat drum set for the passenger seats of a car.

Lectures on TV

TV channel that playes stanford online classes, each class is played 4 times a week with a new episode every week. This would be much more likely to be used than Youtube because deciding between tv shows on is a easier decision than any computer based interaction. Its the same reason people watch TV movies when they own the movies.

Feeling Parkinson's

Do you choose the thoughts that you have? I think the answer is yes, but my reason is unsubstantiated.
Would schizophrenia then be when thought choice starts to become less voluntary. Like Parkinson's but instead of being unable to control your motor you can't control your sensory?

Upside Down

Try thinking about gravity as if your brain is visually flipping the world upside down.

Eccentricity

Sometimes I do crazy things just to so I have the opportunity to witness people's reaction to craziness

Childhood Hero's

a superhero who has a giant brain has to eat a diet of only candy because the brain uses 70% of glucose.

Meaningful Perspective Change

"This philosophy class is stupid. I used to like motorcycles!"

Straightened Circle

Writing turns circular thoughts into linear ones by eliminating doubt.

Self Reference

My favorite types of analogies are the ones that make reference to the root of the word.

I/We

Do different languages use of pronouns (I/we) affect the culture in a dramatic way?

Side to Side

I love hearing the same thoughts when they are expressed in different contexts.

Change

The banal is the sacred.

Quite Flighty

Time doesn't heal wounds, it just disembodies them.

Evaluating

A descriptive adjective is vaulating like a price tag, and reading different price tags allows for a more complete appraisal.

People in Their Places

"A Nihilist at Night"

Convince a Group

It is easier to persuade a group than an individual, when you add people to the side of your opponent, in a discussion, the added number adds only to confusion and confidence. It is rare that they can effectivly combine thier minds.

Kicking Dylan

I ran into Bob Dylan returning a pair of shoes at the shoe store he said, "you shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you."

Drawers

Long thin drawers so you don't have to fold your clothes ever.

Schizo Diatribe

A didactic diatribe that is actually comedic because you switch topics every homophone. Having the speech have a didactic format makes the discovery more fun.

Schizo Celeb

I think celebrity is the best therapy for people who are going to be paranoid schizophrenic.

Cookbook Cooks

There is all the difference in the world between studying science of something and practicing the art of it. We would not like to be served by a cook whose only merit was an ability to recite the cookbook.

Bring Back The Arts

Little did the liberals know that "bring back the arts" petition they signed really was for logic, grammar, and rhetoric.

William's Syndrome

Critique a purple piece of prose by asking if the author has William's syndrome

Abecedarian

Abecedarian. Insult or sketch

Great Books

The teacher should be a medium of understanding between great books and students rather than an overarching figure that uses books as a pedagogocal tool.

Water Efficiency

I like to piss in the sink so that way I can be more efficient and wash my hands at the same time.

Chaos

Human reproduction is a chaotic system.

Comedy Directions

Comedy set gradually building up audiences willingness for smarter jokes instead of crude or another direction.

Jerry/Hisenberg

So what's the deal with turbulence?

I'm a Bitch

Transform the Louie CK bit of decision making from, "I'm an asshole" to "I'm a bitch".

The King's Clothes

I think fasion was invented when

Grinds my Gears

I think most people are upset with the way things work because they compare it to an ideal rather than from where it evolved.

Working for Websites

Saying that you work for a website is more impressive than saying that you own/manage/run a website.

Courts

Optimistically, businesses will reduce the crime rate so they have better access to the court system.

Vegas odds

% of basketball games that go into overtime

Learn to Win

I would rather learn than win.

Behaviorist Computers

Computer interaction with humans leads to applied behaviorst perspectives.

XenoSex

The reason we want to have kids is because we are all xenophobic, we want to have more of us than them.

Original

Originality is a great way to express depth of knowledge because it hints at a recognition of a cliche.

Crying

My new ringtone is babies crying. Nothing makes you want to pick up the phone more.

Constraints

Creativity loves constraints.

Are you My Mother

Can you train an infant monkey to that that an infant human is its mother. I know you can trick it to thinking a terry cloth is mother but is there a type of pheromone that infants give off so this mistake doesn't happen?

Full Nelson Mandela

Did you know the Nelson Mandela was named after the wrestling move? his full name is full nelson mandela

Elephant Painting

I asked a friend what the difference between a vegetarian and a vegan. They said that vegan’s don’t use any animal byproducts. Does that mean you wouldn’t buy a painting from an elephant?

Creationism vs. racism

When I try to teach someone bigoted about one topic I do it by pitting another of their bigoted beliefs against it. Creationism vs. racism. Explain how the reason black people are better at basketball is because of evolution. That way they have to change at least one of their bigoted views. (Act out exaggerated confusion culminating in head exploding).

Synchronized Winter Sports

Synchronized Winter Sports!
Skiing and Snowboarding!

Basketball Practice

Basketball training where the players shoot every type of basket (3's layups jumpers from all over) and if they shot below a certain percent from that spot they wouldn't be allowed to take that shot during games. If they did and they missed than they would have to do laps for every percent point they were below the accepted for that shot.

Laying down the King

A murderer who played you at chess for your life. He had a set where there was a magnet under one of the squares so if the king moved there he would be knocked over.

Circlejerk

with the help of technology we will evolve into a society approaching complete common knowledge, exe memes, reddit chain of thought (circlejerk).

Individual Knowledge

Whenever you can only think of exaggerated counter examples then it is likely that more additional layers of context lie beneath.

Encyclopedia

I need to invent the next level of encyclopedia; biography of a universal life told thgough every possible thought.

Nirvana

The way to reach nirvana is through evolution as a species, not just through evolution within the individual

Drug Efficiency

A Matirx like injection point surgically implanted for more direct/efficient drug use.

Talking in Class

Allowing talking in class leads to more episodic rather than just semantic memory

long commercials

Multi part (20/5sec clips) commercial that skips uses 15 parts randomly, then you fill in the blanks yourself when they are missing which becomes free advert

Clapper

Take the idea of the clap on light. Expand so that to instead of using laser remotes you use pitch/rhythmic controlled remotes. Then imagine creating music for practical purpose.

Escapade

I feel like im on a journey and Ive been gone so long I don't know what I'm coming back to.

Octogenarian Addicts

What percent of 80 year old people are drug addicts.

Staring

I wish it was more socially acceptable to stare at people for long periods of time.

Taking Good Time

Bad things happen all the time, good things take time.
I don't know if this is true.

Life Expectancy

Does an increase in life expectancy increase or decrease population.

Poor Substitute

If I was a substitute teacher I would try to show the kids that almost all power the teacher has over them is illusory.

Failed Experimnets

A pop fiction book about experiments that never quite gained enough raw data to support their cases, but have interesting anecdotal evidence.

Failed Experimnets

A pop fiction book about experiments that never quite gained enough raw data to support their cases, but have interesting anecdotal evidence.

Tonal Language

When a language is tonal does it remove the ability to use vocal inflection for things like sarcasm? Or are they just replaced with explicit words. Does this make it easier to lie?

Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh provided my first theory of mind.

Bait and Switch

A prank where you get a a person to listen to two people reading text. You have them pay attention/ try to remember to one text and then when a bell rings you have them switch and pay attention to the other text, only the second text is The School of Libertinism.

Addition to Society

What I like about art is that anyone can almost immediately make a contribution to the artistic community just by providing their own unique perspective.

Twice Going

Some thoughts are not worth delving into twice. This is one of them. I have to stop. Ok fine once more.

Secret Jokes

A joke is a secret soon to be discovered.

Banal

It is a trained mind that can ask quality questions from banal subjects.

Flat Character

I am amused by all people who are flat characters in my life story.

Radius of Knowledge

The amount of knowledge a society has is the average radius of one person's knowledge.

Paper Weight

I heard that necessity is the mother of invention. Then I was thinking about the inventor of the paper weight. Now there's a problem that nobody had, with practically infinite solutions. Anything can be a paper weight. Even paper can be a paperweight.

16th C excuses

"Oh, my bad, I didn't realize you used the Gregorian calendar. I'm still on the Julian.

PDA

Ugly people are most likely to exhibit personal displays of affection. "Hey look at me, someone in this miserable world finds me attractive!"

Stupid

Right now I am as stupid as I will ever be.

Hopefully

Frustration

Frustration is a function of expectation.

Reflexes

I wish my wife had the same reflexes as our baby. That's right, grasping rooting and sucking.

Ask me any question

Whenever anyone asks me a question I just say, "I think I'm in the wrong place", and leave.

Emotion

What is your favorite emotion? What is the emotion you spend the most time with?
Try to make them the same answer and everything else should be a byproduct of that goal.

Snow Crash

Something I can empathize with, "the kind of person who feels most at home on the dark side of a one way mirror."

The Life Coach

Example used: Sting
Other options include singers of famous songs with girls names in them.

Opening scene: Bar, attractive woman with martini, empty seat to her side.
Loser enters: (imagine Jonah Hill type.) loser approaches bar, orders a drink and asks her name in what he imagines is suave but is actually a poor attempt.
She replies, "Carol"
"Are you sure its not "Roxanne"" Which he beings to sing loudly and obnoxiously.
She runs away in disgust.
Camera pans following Loser walking to the other side of the bar see him sit down
Loser: "I don't get it I did exactly what you told me and it didn't work at all"
Switch camera now focused on Sting on the other side of the booth. Pause for a second.
Sting: I don't understand, it always works for me.
Sting goes up to incredibly attractive girl. She is not looking at him
Sting: Whats your name?
She turns around and is immediately enamored with Sting. Says, "Megan".
Sting: "Are you sure it's not Roxanne" tears shirt off begins to sing, guitar is lowered lights change background musicians come out.
She swoons. He puts down the guitar, she jumps into his arms and he carries her away.

Possible follow-up scene. Short scene of Loser reattempting this time with taking off his shirt.

Almost silent

If you were only able to say one word for the rest of your life what would it be?

Ice honey

There is an expression describing someone as "honey for the icebox" in that cold sweats won't spread

Facade

Through bullshit/small talk, I hid myself behind societal expectations and idiomatic speech.

TV Guide

I just got a job working for the TV guide network. Yeah I have to turn the crank to make the channels go by like old school car windows. Does anyone use the TV guide network anymore. Every cable or satellite company has that ability built into their remote, you don't need to wait anymore. You just want to see what channel (exaggerated TV show based on type of audience, eg real housewives of atlanta). But no you had to wait 5 minutes while it tell you whats on all the movie channels and the government access or the (exaggerated TV show in opposite direction based on type of audience eg 5 million sports channels, I mean seriously how many games can you watch, mimic guy trying to futilely explain)
and while its going through they try to entertain you with (example exaggerated to audience eg. 80s movies fuckin 16 candles or some other molly ringwald John huges bratpack garbage) which honestly wouldn't be to bad, I actually really like breakfast club I'm not sure why I said that, anyways, it wouldn't be too bad except the bottom third of the screen is taken up by the fuckin crank machine that is really the only reason you're on the channel anyway. So maybe my arm gets tired and the reel starts to just creep along so you think you have enough time to go to (something crazy eg. shoo those bats out of the kitchen. What always happen's? right when you get back it passed over the channels you were looking for. So you sit, you promise that you will pay attention and not leave but the next time it comes around you aren't paying attention cause your dancing with Emilio and Judd (pantomime). By the time you actually find out the channels and the times you already missed whatever you wanted to watch. Whatever, at least it means now I can write some jokes from girls, half the guys here missed all those references I just made and half the girls were impressed with these moves.

"I don't know"

I don't know is the answer to any question. At least you are never wrong, just ignorant.

Wrong Opinions

Do you have any opinions that you think are wrong?

Spotlight

Do you ever feel like everyone in the room is staring at you?

Stand Up Opening.

Small World

I hate it when people use the expression "its a small world".
No, you just live in your own small world.

Preemies

Are premature births related to introversion?

Black-Eyed Susans

When I was a kind in school there was a girl I liked and she liked me. We talked would talk all the time and once I led the conversation to find out her favorite flower. I thought I could use this knowledge later to make her happy. Except the only time I ever used it was to make myself cry because I didn't talk to her much after that and a few years later she died of cancer.
I was going to put a bouquet on her tombstone, but I didn't want to have to explain myself to anyone so instead I just imagined that I did. I suppose that since she is dead now the thought counts more than the action, and now whenever I see Black-Eyed Susans I cry.

Faith

Faith is like standing in the middle of a fire and the only thing keeping you from burning is that you don't believe it can. You start to imagine the heat and you don't know how long you can last because as soon as you give in, even a little, you burn up and get sucked in forever.

Killing

Killing is the act of turning an animate object into an inanimate object.
Is there a word for doing the opposite?

Unsure Facts

Sometime's I'm not sure about a fact but I will still use it in in a conversation. My fear is that someone will remember they learned it from me and pass on the knowledge to someone else.

Everyone Dream

One of the best things about dreams is that they are accessible to anyone at anytime.

Well-Suited

A movie about a a social group of tailors and seamstresses. When the characters interact they wear outfits made for them by the host.

Possibly murder mystery using clothes as clues?

Bike Rack

Make your own bike rack that you can dismantle, and put it in a public place.

Mrs. President

If the president became pregnant, would it be prudent to have an abortion?

Free Will

The problem with free will is not that you have an inability to make choices, it is that you can't choose your process for choosing.

Psychology Students

"Psychology students" is the group of people that we know the most about.

Smoking

The only building you can smoke in is one that is already on fire

Vampire

Do you ever look in the mirror and wonder what it would look like if you weren't a vampire? Any other vampires in the audience tonight? So i guess I'm the only one turned on by the varicose veins on the old lady outside.