"one turtle made a mistake"

4&6

You ever have one of those days where you never turn the lights on?

If babies were ugly I don't think they would make it out alive

Dum dum squad

If you were one of the 5 spice girls you would be (Szechuan peppercorn/star anise)

Fire retardant blanket

Retard short for fire retardant

explain how the 120 days of sodom was actually a good idea

I like showers more than baths because I'd rather wear a shower cap than a bathing suit

Portland me that be in your face but it's not aggressive.

Lady lightly touches my shoulder, whispers in my ear, your fly's down.

Health is for nerds

Would people laud a self exiled pedophile, pedophile island like a leper colony

Juggle 2 balls while stand up

Puts the od in podium

Having sex saying "oh" and "Yeah" until you sound like the coolaid man

Y'all like Reba?

If Astronauts die is there a special cemetery like Arlington

35 ppl per acre is urban

Have you ever had sex and both you and your partner are wearing boots?

roast fodder

you look like your idea of a ... is ... good job pretty girl good time

you look like if you're doing a puzzle with your family. you take one piece to put in your pocket to hold to the end so you can put the last piece in

How are trans people handling pronouns in Latin America. Or Russia. Just linguistically, socially is a different question.

Being optimistic is good, unless you're in Vegas

If introspection is looking within yourself what is extro-spection

Start Ding ding ditch

Seeing eye dog for my blind dog

Do Jews sing? In synogog or otherwise

Who's the most famous?

Psycho killer

Kiss cafe

Taking photos of Christmas blooms

#hellebored

Hellebore

90 to 10 intelligence

10 to 90 trickster

Mini-changa

5 for 4.95

Cold meat

How come you never see on social media the church using it's money for good

Cookie dough sleeve

I walk right down the drip line. I love the drips on my head

Flowers are for the dead

If I ever have to do radio phone interviews, I should pretend like I can do impressions

My favorite raindeer is nixon

You ever see a dude facing a wall... Standing on his tippy toes?

When was stretching invented

The n word wasn't one of Carlin's 7

Guy who thinks it's opposite day, but it's really tomorrow

Black and White episode

Getting old working out undead of for good looks, death prevention

thomas edison famously tried 1000 things before he came up with the lightbulb filament. What do you think were some of the bad guesses wood, cock

Change my Google to respond to, ok boomer, asiasin

have you ever not done your homework, and then it's a snow day. What a releif!

have you ever been to somebody's house and the smoke alarm has been on low battery and you're like, how long has this been going on and the're like what? and you're like, the smoke alarm beeping eveery 15 minutes, oh that, like a couple of weeks.

Cash only shirt

Put googly eyes on sock puppet

Lion tamer twirling through life. 

"The party has arrived" in every moment

Have you ever had meaningless sex with a beautiful person who you didn't know anything about them except that they are physically beautiful.

It's great

But it's not the meaning of life...

For the whole time

My mom used to put oats in all our cookies because she claimed is kept them moist longer.

bee's can fly 25 mph, that's not fair being a bird or a bee would be great because you could just fly around the world eating people's food and you'd get to fly around and see all the sunsets

Album title " too loud for outside"

Without music dancing looks stupid, and even with music sometimes

when i was in first grade i thought it was going to get harder every year. I didn't account for the fact I would also be getting smarter

I wish every crow would croak

Hellebore more like hella boring Ayo!

You have to find a Goodwill hat in the bins and that's how you become an employee

Drive like a rich kid

my cousin just got a job as a professional estimator I asked her how much my house was worth she said "uh, about 100,000, give or take, 100,000,in the ball park of, 100,000" big round number

remember before you could multiply and all you could do was add or remember before you could add and all you could do was count life would be so much longer if we never figured that out

what if bees could roar as loud as a lion just imagine what it'd be like by a beehive

Having meaningless sex with a beautiful girl was like the opposite of getting arrested.

Instead of, life isn't that bad

To I guess this is the peak?? I mean it's pretty good but what next?

Turtle guy is deep alone and he's not going to find a solution today

You ever think about buying a piece of clothes and realizing the closes are more audacious than you feel your personality can pull off

But nobody knows you can't unless you let them know by dropping that confidence for one second

How important is dance in your life

For me

I don't know if I can t makes my top ten

But you know there's some people out there, dance is like top five

Like "I just gotta dance" 

You know those people

Not me

Not most of the time anyway

Trains are like an art gallery parade

Especially in the rain

I imagine the people at raves need to dance as a balance to living in the tightest boxes for the rest of their week that they need 48 solid hours of dance to work out the kinks

Nobody can't pull off a long fur vest

Even the worst body looks glorious

Get a baby blu balazer and look like dad

Start recreating old dad photos

I got a pocket full of warm

Wet train graffiti

What percente of your life are you not dancing

I am in touch with my emotions, just not the sad ones

Who's the corniest white dude who still gets respect in the hood?

Ernie, or The Colonel