Astronaut

Masterbation

Stand Up Intro 2

For those of you who don't know me, Im James, and for those of you who do, quit fucking my girlfriend.

Weekend At Bernies

Movie Idea: A black Weekend At Bernie's set in pre-Civil war south.

Uptown Obama

I want to see a picture of Obama stepping off Air Force One, in Air Force Ones

Attention

The people who seek attention most for themselves are the ones watching you the closest.

Title

A good title: "Thoughts too eccentric to share with the person sitting next to me."

Internet Power

The internet gains power from the fact that the average user does not understand its immensity. Therefore they see fellow users as members of a smaller group or a group of greater significance.

Tattoo Time Stamp

I think I will get a tattoo when I am who I want to be, as a time stamp of that moment in time.

Mantis

A story about a husband and wife who decide to have a child. While they are having sex the wife cut's the guy's head off, gets pregnant and then has his kids.
The twist at the end is that they are Mantis

Stand Up Intro

"I like to tailor my jokes to my audience
So you know what that means,

Yeah that's right

Fat Jokes

sounds like I'll be doing dumb jokes too."

Paranoia

I want to be famous so I can be comfortable knowing my paranoia has merit.

3 Pigs

Wolf's be dreamin bout how I blow through bricks.
and I throw the sticks.

Cop

I used to be a cop and I was able to convince my friends that it was ilegal for me to carry cash because then I could be accused of accepting bribes.

Sir/Madam

I think we should reintroduce sir and madam because the forced respect will lead to real respect of one another

Commercials

Advertisers think that television commercials need to be simple because they are so short. In reality they can be layered with complexity and people will understand them purely because of the amount of times that we watch them.

Window Shopper

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_34tpg2994
Imma start doing music reviews. Since I do them anyway I might as well write it down.

Too smooth the stutter 50 cent is as cool as the other side of the pillow. You can't help but

Custard

I want to make a large batch of custard and get a hamster to run on it.

View

When buying real estate, a view can be a pricey thing. But my favorite view is of the sky, and you can see that from a park bench.

Tom Sawyer

I think that people take the wrong lesson from the story of Tom Sawyer and the whitewashed fence. What I take from it is that the line dividing work and play is truly arbitrary.

Spiderwebs

I like walking in front of people and constantly pretending to run into spiderwebs.

Speak to be Heard

I recently learned that Asian culture places responsibility of comprehension on the listener while Westerners place the responsibility on the speaker.
I think the consequences of this are that Asians speak more deeply while Westerners speak to a wider audience.

Misconceptions

It's difficult for me to remember misconceptions that I have had other than at the point of learning.

Nurse Girlfriend

So I was dating this nurse and her hospital was having a blood drive but I'm scared of needles so I told her I have AIDS,
which she was really pissed about because we have been sharing needles,
ever since she broke her's when our knitting class learned the double purl.

War Criminals

I would like to read a book where the main character is a defense lawyer defending famous war criminals. Hopefully it would provide insight into the humanity of these people who from any other perspective would only be seen as monsters.

Measuring Intelligence

I think an interesting way to measure intelligence would be by the amount of thoughts per stimuli.

Panhandling

What would be the most discouraging response to a pan handler?

If Youe Were A Flower

You would be a melancauliflower

Stereotypes

In my opinion, believing a stereotype is the same thing as perpetuating it.

Contributing to Society

One of the things I like about art is that anyone can almost immediately make a contribution to a societies collective knowledge just through their unique perspective. Try to make a contribution of that type in other fields like math or physics and it could take your whole life.

Didactic

I hate to be didactic
but its to late to retract it
plus

Baby's Breath of My Bouquet

You’re the baby’s breath of my bouquet.” It’s my go to line, a pleasant compliment a pretty comparison to a flower. Its honest, not an exaggerated truth that most people tend to give. Most people I meet, most people I know, are the equivalent of baby’s breath of my friendship bouquet. I really enjoy baby’s breath, it’s truly an overlooked flower. So many small white petals speckle the thin green stems that even if you wanted to you couldn’t count them all. Even though it is truly beautiful in its own right, most often it’s just used as filler between the more prominent flowers, the ones we all know by name, the roses, the orchids, the violets.
Not everyone gets to be a rose, not everyone should want to either. I have enough rosy friends. I love their beautiful complexity, but we all know that these petals are born from a stem of thorns. Baby’s breath can be a beautiful cover, a protection from the stem that’s unpleasant the eyes and harmful to the touch.
Few people I know are orchids. They are the definition of perfection, best flowers forever, but even a bouquet of orchids can lose my interest. Like the fabled Christmas every day, its flawless nature loses its value when only compared to itself. Baby’s breath offers a charming contrast. It’s a flower with innocent beauty, hardly presumptuous I am satisfied with its quiet company. I enjoy its tiny petals, but honestly, it only captures my concentration when I am take a break from long and longing stares at perfection.
Violets are the baby’s breath’s natural companion. With short stems its petals stand as if it were an equal. The white of the baby’s breath makes the violet more vibrant, while the violet’s violet makes the white look even more pure. While I don’t spend much time with them individually they I love to be with them when they are together. Rather plain when apart, but when together they build each other up until I am just as happy with them as I am with almost any others.
Our flowery companions accompany us through the hills and valleys of our lives. Some take monopolize our time and devotion. Some have depth that we have been delving into for years. We have a few that will always stay close to our hearts, but most people will forever remain the baby’s breath of our bouquets.

Jack's a Dull Boy

I blur the line of work and fun
So I can get all my shit done
But when the work is put away
I find it hard to go and play

Value of Questions

I think that the smartest people are the ones who ask the most questions. Not because they receive the most answers but because they are actively searching for the unknown.

Naive Character

Every story needs a naive character so that the character and the reader can be taught in conjunction.

Frontiersmen

While making a home for their families, frontiersmen were also making a home for their country.

Proust

I was trying to fall asleep last night, looking at the red numbers on my clock. I quickly asked myself, is midnight AM or PM. For some reason, I didn’t know the answer as well as I should. I have always confused when AM begins, and it usually takes me a few seconds to sort it all out. For my whole life until this point I would think; 10PM is followed by… 11PM, which is followed by…, logically 12PM. Only it isn’t. It’s the other way around. That is until this special night when I looked at this problem from a different logical construct. If you think of the clock as in its circular, analog form, you must imagine 12:05 not as 12:05 but rather as 00:05. I realize this probably comes natural to people who grew up among military time, but for some reason I had never looked at time in this way.
Then I wondered what led to this elucidation. If course it’s from the programming methodology class that I have been watching for the last several weeks. In programming, counting generally begins at zero rather than at one. Because this is somewhat of a paradigm shift for most people, the professor had made a point of mentioning the fact on multiple occasions.
I think this is a great example of a thought that has been consuming a lot of my thought time for the past few weeks. Proust says it best, “The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

Saddest Death

I think the saddest death is the death of a twin.

Dirt

People are buried in the ground when they die, but plants are buried in the ground to be born.

Infanticide

Almost everything is an infanticide. Even just a puddle.

Reusable Cans

This might exist already but if you had some type of device that would reseal a metal coke can.

Eugenics

I don't understand why eugenics isn't practiced more openly on people.

Traditions

I think that traditions are more important for people who are less skilled at expressing themselves freely.

Relationship Value

When the value of a relationship is greater than the potential difference in potential mate quality times the potential time for relationship; marriage should occur.

Slave Suicide

I wonder what the rate of suicide among slaves is. I wonder how you would figure that out it probably isn't well or accurately documented? Although I would imagine for business purposes in those times an estimate would have useful so there might be data used for those purposes.

5 Character Book

I think an interesting book would be a collection of stories about 5 people. Each story being told by one of the other 5 people with a total of 16 stories.

Very Sorry

You never did
I never don’t
You were a kid
I said I won’t
Leave you unless I think it’s better for both of us

I tried so hard
I did my best
I would watch guard, while your eyes rest
I disregard
That little pest
But to discard, would be the test
You were with me
Two months five years
You couldn’t see; so many tears
So many pains; so many fears
So many veins; now souvenirs
I tried to hide
Away my shame
I was your guide, I am to blame

You never did
I never don’t
You were a kid
I said I won’t
Leave you unless I think it’s better for both of us

I swore that you
Would never know
And that is why I now must go

Success Studies

I think that any study done about successful people would have to be inherently biased. Or one on people with above average intelligence.

Because only those people would be smart enough to come up with and conduct the studies.

New Hands

How long do you think it would take you to notice if someone switched hands with you if you could only notice through the sense of touch?

All's Fair in Love and War

If your race is at war with another race I think an ridiculous strategy would be to swap sperm bank materials in your enemy country's sperm banks with seed from your own. It would be interesting to see what would happen next.

Or to fight a war with love and just have all of your attractive females go to the other country and seduce the men.

Kid Art

Do you remember when you were first learning about the art of drawing? At first if was difficult to conceptualize putting a three dimensional object on a two dimensional plane. Until we see examples from others most drawings are extremely abstract. I remember having difficulty with drawing trees because to me they were conical rather than the archetypal tree drawing that we all do now.
Taking this to another level I think it would be interesting to see what would happen if you asked a child at this stage to draw something that is already relatively abstract, like the wind or light, before they are familiar with what the world would have them come up with in a few months, a bunch of curvy scribbles and the sun, respectively. I think the drawings and their explanations might lead to interesting insight into a different more fundamental perspective on the world.

Question Hour

I think a cool idea for a classroom would be to set aside an hour of day a week in which the kids could ask any questions (maybe in written form to filter out inappropriateness) that have been on their minds during the week.

Halloween Costume

I think a great Halloween costume would be Santa. Two reasons. First, easy costume to buy you just gotta look in the right season. Second, getting girls to sit on your lap.

Floss with Toothpaste

Why doesn't floss have something on it comparable to toothpaste?

Opposites

I think that opposites are too ambiguous. I used to hate the idea of opposite day. What is the opposite of green, is it light green, is it blue, is it the absence of color? It could be any number of things. This has been bothering me more lately because my dance instructor keeps telling us to do whatever movement we are doing in reverse. I never know if she means do the steps in reverse order, switch from right to left, front to back etc.

Investing

What industries are limited by the cost of electricity? I think they would be a good market to invest in because electricity prices are going to drop dramatically over the next 40 years.

Superbowl Movie Theatre

I think it would be cool to watch large sporting events in a movie theater. It would provide a giant screen, you would be around other people who are interested in the game and people you haven't met before.

Attractiveness/Talkativeness Ratio

Something that I have observed but might not be true is that the more attractive someone is the more likely they are to be talkative. I think this might be because people want to interact with attractive people and more interaction breeds someone who is more talkative. Or, if someone is tremendously attractive, they would encounter people who might find it difficult to speak around them, forcing the attractive person to fill in the conversation. I think I am going to use this knowledge and become more talkative thereby fooling people into thinking that I am more attractive than I actually am.

Sunglasses

I think you get a free pass to be able to wear ridiculous sunglass if you are wearing a uniform. You gotta be able to express yourself somehow!

Large Sunglasses

I was on the bus the other day and there was an infant and it's mother sitting in front of me. I was wearing large sunglasses and discovered that the baby's lack of object permanence could be played with simply by taking my glasses on and off. The mother was also wearing large sunglasses and I realized that the baby might be less connected to the mother while wearing sunglasses because it was no longer a person that the infant recognized. Although I was unable to gather much hard evidence, I think it is probably a good idea for mothers to avoid fashion that obscures the face so as to maintain a stronger connection with the infant, at least until a certain age.

Ipod Sales Idea

I think it would be cool if you could buy an ipod with music already on it and you wouldn't be able to sync it up with your computer but instead it would sync up with someone else's itunes. An idea for the music that would be on the ipod could be what is a famous musician's ipod.

Killer Scene

I think that an good scene in a story about a murder who travels from city to city setting up new identities who is a "strong and silent type". The scene would be of the person shopping for household items for a new city they have moved into. The murder would be very knowledgeable about housewares and would have individual taste. This would provide character background, character development and it would be simple enough to choose the items that he picks out to be ones with strong symbolic meaning.

Extradition Movie

I think an interesting documentary would be of people who have committed heinous crimes, but were able to flee to countries without extradition laws.

Road Eye Contact

If you are in a car and have a desperate urge to look someone in the eye, buses don't produce as high of a yield as one would expect.

A Rare Scene

Its a rare scene watching someone working who is involved in non-customer service white collar work. It seems to me that most people's jobs are non-customer service and this leads to an undervaluation of the their, too rarely noticed, profession.

Society

As we grow up we discover society to be made out of people rather than out of organizations and roles. When you realize this it becomes easier to get what you want done.

Friendship

It is amazing how easily two completely random people can create a friendship.

Dance

To me a dance is any movement that is purposefully not the most efficient.

Questions

You asked a question you wanted a particular response to, then before the person can reply, ask an additional question that has an obvious answer being the same answer you were wanting for the first question.

Second Chances

I always seem to blow my second chances. Third chances I really take advantage of though.

Stories

Everything till now is a story and everything after now is a story.

Sad Thoughts

Why does reminiscing make you sad, even when you are remembering happy things?

Prejudice

I am prejudiced against prejudice

Routine

Time seems to move faster when you have a routine. So make a routine for things you don't enjoy and do the things you enjoy spontaneously.

Big Picture

Big picture ideas are more valuable to society than smaller ones but don't necessarily require more thought power or creativity. I think theoretical physicists take this too far.

Talking

Most of the time I would rather say something that is interesting than something that is true.

Voting Age

One of the reasons that schools were created was to promote democracy and nationalism. If that is the case why is it that the age we act out our most important democratic task, voting, the year after most students have graduated. I think that general voting turnout and consequently political activism would increase if the voting age was lowered to 17.

Effort

I read that effort is a punishing stimulus. This explains a lot.

Speed Reading

Do people read faster with both eyes than with one? It seems like it would be around the same speed. If so I would think that there could be a more efficient method of written communication that requires the use of both eyes more comprehensively.

Learning

I read a while ago that a definition of learning as being able to answer questions to increasingly difficult questions.