Attention

The people who seek attention most for themselves are the ones watching you the closest.

Title

A good title: "Thoughts too eccentric to share with the person sitting next to me."

Internet Power

The internet gains power from the fact that the average user does not understand its immensity. Therefore they see fellow users as members of a smaller group or a group of greater significance.

Tattoo Time Stamp

I think I will get a tattoo when I am who I want to be, as a time stamp of that moment in time.

Mantis

A story about a husband and wife who decide to have a child. While they are having sex the wife cut's the guy's head off, gets pregnant and then has his kids.
The twist at the end is that they are Mantis

Stand Up Intro

"I like to tailor my jokes to my audience
So you know what that means,

Yeah that's right

Fat Jokes

sounds like I'll be doing dumb jokes too."