"The difference between heaven and hell is harp lessons" -brett

Outside vs inside

All of comedy is based on an audience of mom

Make fake taboo cards with the n word on it

Have you ever listened to a baseball game on the radio?

How fast can a dog do the agility course rubbing his butt on the floor the whole time

Side scroller vr game instead of open world

Bring back cigarette rations

being a girl on a webcam is like walking to hannibal

I will let crimes commit if they are done on a stage 

Mail fraud guy

And isn't life a stage?

I look like...

True deep personal biographical facts

Went to the container store.

But do you contain multitudes?

Is shit vegetarian

Greek myths round the fire

John Wayne ellington

Ignorance is a luxury

Kunta Kinte Keith Toby Keith rap name

Sketch show but serious instead of comedy

I'm not an apologist, but...

There are few things in life as predictable as a bad improv scene. Comedy and surprise are interlinked which makes the attempt and failure so ironic

God and goodness are synonymous.

Oh my God

Oh my goodness

My favorite step in drug addiction is selling family heirlooms

I only n Ed one piece of information to make a nickname. 

Now sir, do you enjoy... Sexual activity?

Alright your nickname is Jergins

Laci godiva

When was the last time you sharpened a pencil?

I think 99% of all pencil sharpening is superfluous

I thought I just had the strongest bladder of all time.

sell pez on the street one at a time

Pretend to be a street Magician but use the distraction to prank people

No chewing tobacco allowed on planes?

"Motion is the best lotion"- Jon Madden

Laying in bed with a partner. Whisper in her ear, can you teach me how to douggie

I've been asked me If get ashy. Only on my dick.

Warren G - Harding

Character

Start set with "once upon a time"

Click and clack parody

Lebron converts to Judeasim to hide bald spot

Could I pull of a yamika? Is this bad cultural appropriation?

Cat allergies are twice as common as dog

Premise: Have you ever been wrong?

What if the free throw was moved back like extra point kicks.

Implications?

How much time does it take to learn to shoot 70% free throws

A world where people can only dies during one season.

Tie your dick up like a marionette and have it dance in music videos

"I only did meth one... night"

The older I get the harder it is to tell kids ages apart. I understand octogenarian pedophile

My dick is thicker than a snicker bar, but so are most people's so that's not really saying much.

We should space race china

Write a Charlie Parker movie for Jim Carrey

The first time I flew in a plane, I never had such potential

Josh Jacob's junglehimer schmitt

Every chair is a rocking chair if im sitting in it. Except bean bag chairs, those become rolling chairs

I'm gonna ride you To the top of left-of-center

I bet you check your eggs before you buy em. Roasted

A bit where I compare apples and oranges

"Greek Tragedy" 

An opening theme song for an Oedipious action tv show with the theme song being a parody of "Tragedy" by BeeGees. (After his eyes are out)

Tragedy!

When you marry your mom and stab out your eyes

I like you because you like me the same way that I like myself.

I got rid of my gun at the perfect time, a week before I needed it.

Ciattica!!!!!

Mexican Halloween they only get chicklets and Mongo's dipped in chili powder

Jesus was black but Mary was white

Podcast that only reports Whit basketball news

If Darrell morrey had Kareem the NBA would all be shooting mid range