Even in "Beach Boy", idealized america, there were still fights at the football game. "Some loud bragger tried to put me down. He said his school was great!"

My dog taught me how to win at staring contests. Lock eyes for 5 seconds and then bark.

It's much harder to think of things you don't know or things that you haven't seen or things that don't exist.

I've never seen someone wear denim overalls and a fresh white-t in the city

If i had a bar i would name it the hoosgow

Bicycle insurance should be mandatory

More vague than a vaugrant.

Confusion, questioning, persuasion, devaluation, dismissal, deception, avoidance, repentance/vindictive

Beauty an the BeastMode

Exactally as cool as the other side of the pillow

Hoary

Your clothes are awfully hoary today. (grayish white and old)

DON’T PAUSE, read like a run on sentance. Pace like a girl in exasperated mood swing monologue conversation.,

So?! How many of you have been enjoying the sun?!?!! Of course, I have too, but like, I’m soo pale right now. I burn like right away. If I'm outside for more than like 20 minutes at a time I would legit look like a lobster right now. I’m so glad my job has heat AND a/c so it's always, like, the perfect temperature. My skin would not make it if I had to work outside. I mean if I was a slave and I had to pick cotton in the sun all day? Ugh! my skin would get so sunburnt! and your chance of getting skin cancer can go up like 100% if it gets burnt more than 5 times. Plus, I love eating ice cream and you don't get any ice cream if you're slave. I mean I don’t even think they even give you gatorade!? I would be so dehydrated without my electrolytes! Ugh! When I get dehydrated I get really bad headaches, I don’t even want to think about it. If you're a slave I don’t think you get healthcare coverage, not even under Obama Care or if you lived in Cuba. I mean I don’t get dental at my office but I do get a good 401k but I don’t thinks slaves get any bennies like my friend Jenny, who works at Denny’s. She has to wear this ick tacky uniform even on casual Fridays. I guess that's a good thing about being a slave, its like, always casual friday. You just wear the same clothes every day. It would be kind of freeing not to have to choose what  to wear every day. When you're a slave you don't have to look pretty. It would be so nice not to have to do my hair do my in the morning. Actually, I would want to look as unpretty as possible because I wouldn't want to get raped. I mean that would be a major bummer if just because I'm so naturally hot that even with nappy hair all the boys would still want to rape me. Its a real curse being so beautiful. Not that most of YOU would understand.

I wouldn’t be able to read my magazines.

you know what would suck about being a slave? 1. No ice cream a. I love ice cream 2. No sunscreen a. My skin would be so sunburnt, and your chance of getting skin cancer can go up 100% if it gets burnt too many times! 3. No Gatorade a. I’m gonna be bummin without my electrolytes if I’m going to be working outside all day. 4. No retirement benefits a. What am I going to do when I can’t work 5. Aren’t allowed to read or right a. How am I going to know what happens in the next issue of superman b. How am I going to be able to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ i. I’m going to go to hell or at least limbo 6. If you are a girl you might be a sex slave a. Work on your back all day, ugh? My knees would be killing me. 7. Lashings a. Ouchie! 8. You don’t reap what you sow a. That’d be like working at target and then at the end of the week you don’t even a paycheck 9. Being called a nigger a. That would hurt my feelings a lot. 10. You get separated from your family a. Who’s gonna pay for all my stuff? i. My netflix!?

There’s a lot of bad things about slavery, but sometimes you gotta look on the bright side of life and find the silver lining on that cloud. 1. You get to be outside all day a. I have to work inside at my job, I’m not even by a window 2. Get in great shape a. Think how ripped your lats would be if you got to chop wood and dig ditches all day 3. Don’t have to make decisions a. I have so many decisions to make i. Should I get married and have kids? ii. What job should I get? iii. Where should I live? iv. When should I get up in the morning? v. What should I eat for breakfast? vi. How fast should I walk? 4. Dancing and singing with all your friends in spiritual harmony a. When we go to the club my friends never want to dance 5. Don’t have to pay rent a. My rent now is taking like half my paycheck

"You Know What the Worst Thing About Being a Slave Is? They Make You Work All Day but They Don't Pay You or Let You Go. "

poe

lay on your side and think you feel footsteps but then you realize it's just your heartbeat

I'm embarrassed by my dog's name. I call him something else around company so they don't know. When he doesn't respond I just say that he's stupid. Id rather have people think i have a stupid dog than a dog with a stupid name.

Bring back the haypenny

"the only thing you should put in your ear is your elbow wrapped in a turkish towel"- Francis Fitzmaurice

What if every 4 years you had to get elected to keep your job. And you had to get other people to fund your campaign. How would this motivate employees. How would different election processes have different motivational skews? What is the electing body, what are candidates judged by, are there parties and how influential are party lines? What is the org chart within the business, of the business within the market sector?
How would political parties translate to businesses.

What business sector should I choose. One where the task of the job has as little affect on the plot of the story. Accounting? Grisham did law.

Write in alice and wonderland, gogol, absurdist beaurocracy style.

Its stereotypical for a teenager to be embarrassed by their parents, but they are actually embarrassed by themselves and their parents pride and publicizing is interpreted as publicizing of shame.

Dan Sanders

eric sean

sure i'd like to talk politics but first i'd like to establish that I am against a bicameral legislature i think that bicameral legislature is enough to make 90% of people not listen to the end of this sentence.

What is the most difficult psychological aspect of being a slave.

Mating season

animal have seasons when they have sex, for human's its open season. can you imagine if you could only fuck between march and june? Well, its spring time, and you know what that means, animals get to have sex. Can you imagine if you could only have sex between April and August? Do you know what that first day of "mating season would be like after 8 months of pent up frustration? Can you imagine how much you would get done during those other months if you just knew that any chance of sex was off the table. And how much time you would invest in making sure that you were ready when mating season came around. You'd make as much money as you can for those 8 months just so you could blow it during mating season like college kids on spring break. you see it's still part of our nature, we as humans aren't above it, we are part of nature. There's this phenomenon I've noticed. At the beginning of of the warm season you wear your most revealing clothes and get a base tan line and then you wear progressively less and less revealing clothes until its Christmas Eve and you can't put your arms down. When mating season was over we would eat like bears storing up for hibernation. Compare and contrast mating I think France might be like this already. Everyone in France takes at least 2 months off in the summer, and knowing those dirty french I can't imagine the dirty things they do.

sour is the taste of Russia

Are you interested in my one word first impression of you? No? Alright, I'mma be around for a little while, if you change your mind come find me,, my name is James. but so you know it is a compliment.

Bill vs Bob

Bill Burr and Bob Kelly say the exact same things except bill says it like hes the quarterback in a huddle and bobby tells it like Pavaratti. "Gk dude here's what you need to do, its fuckin over dude. Go straight back, and tell that animal to pack up their things, it's fuckin over. Dump em' by the side of the road and move on with your day. Just think, in two hours it will all be over and you can have a beer/cake." the difference is bill then goes "but you know I'm just some dumb comic, you probably shouldn't listen to me." and bob will turn around and slip on a banana peel. "you know what dude, all you need to do is eat a banana in the morning get some potassium in ya, take your dog for a walk get those fuckin wheel in motion."

Sausage

All I need to eat is the grind, the meat, the spice, the heat. Life ain't sweet, it's savory. So you should savor each beat of the heart, and every spark you breath into flame that beats back the dark.

All I need to eat is the meat and the cleaver. The rest? Y'all can leave it to Beaver.

I believe in wherewolves. Have you heard of The Island of Dr Moreau? What about Josef Mengele? And how do you think modern medicine compares with 1942?
Expand premise to modern day sci-fi in an "exercise in youthful blasphmy"
Island of taboo/blasphmy? Human mutation? Genetically modified humans? Early human genetic experiments? Photosynthesis (violet you're turning violet) transexuals, extra-sensory? What are the limitations? Cyborg or bio-mechinacal? Can only affect a certain percentage of the genome. Conflict, scientist is on the verge os a potentually nefarious but well intentioned breakthrough but gets trapped by his own creation (frankenstein, nobel, heart of darkness)
Cyborg Moreau?
What is the perspective of the main character/limited narrator? Heart of darkness or frankenstein, (what is the fear, being mutated (loss of identity) or losing control?)? What about gattica? Planet of the apes? Which would be better for Paul Allen? What if I wrote four short stories, Frankenstein/Jurassic Park, apocolypse now, planet of the apes, and gattica?
Lord of the flies, black stallion? Constitutional Convention?

Hms beagle for 2, black stallion, frankenstein, jurassic park, island of dr moreau, apocolypse now, lord of the flies, x men, constitutional convention, planet of the apes, gattica.
Each chapter from a different character's perspective.

Avatar?

Kiss my little elephant dick before I'm celebate. Sell a brick and fiddle in hell just for the hell of it.

Anne Mcclain is my schwartz cousin

Keith Robinson is a schtumping Danny Glover

Ka-baller

Amish character who turns 18 in 2080. The reader learns about the future through innocent ignorant eyes.

Name your daughter "Mom" and it will be more difficult for boys to think of her sexually... or she'll marry a Pavlovian pervert

ask politicans at debates to compare and contrast two distinct stances on an issue. not looking for thier opinion but thier rational ability

As the ability to answer questions becomes ubiquitous, the ability to ask questions becomes increasingly pertinent.
"specific knowledge is the cheapest ........" napoleon hill

tracy morgan "legendary"

ghengis kublai and james caan

In what ways are these activities different? Reading something you wrote, Reading something someone else wrote

Im on the red tie team

Gouverneur Morris would support trump. Businessmen should be the politicians because they run the country anyway so at least it would be more in the open.

God is Great, God is Good; Let us thank Him for our food allahu akbar allahu good, let us thank him for our food

mcleary supreme court case stranger article update

What you choose to say that appears to be an attempt to convince another is actually a projection of your own insecurities. You are justifying, rationalizing and reinforcing your own opinions to yourself.

I am virulently in favor of semitism

write a bill burr "no sympathy" bit

how many blind people are deaf? vise versa?

floor lights vs ceiling lights

what do I need a fit bit for? I can get walkamatic for a $1 out of the back of a comic book

funny storytelling=standup. what if the objective were a slightly different emotion

i used to work for comcast but they fucked me so to get them back, I kept my id number and i can reconfiure like 30% of peoples accounts so that they pay less. Come see me on one of my buddies and we'll see if we can hook you up and fuck over comcast.