DON’T PAUSE, read like a run on sentance. Pace like a girl in exasperated mood swing monologue conversation.,

So?! How many of you have been enjoying the sun?!?!! Of course, I have too, but like, I’m soo pale right now. I burn like right away. If I'm outside for more than like 20 minutes at a time I would legit look like a lobster right now. I’m so glad my job has heat AND a/c so it's always, like, the perfect temperature. My skin would not make it if I had to work outside. I mean if I was a slave and I had to pick cotton in the sun all day? Ugh! my skin would get so sunburnt! and your chance of getting skin cancer can go up like 100% if it gets burnt more than 5 times. Plus, I love eating ice cream and you don't get any ice cream if you're slave. I mean I don’t even think they even give you gatorade!? I would be so dehydrated without my electrolytes! Ugh! When I get dehydrated I get really bad headaches, I don’t even want to think about it. If you're a slave I don’t think you get healthcare coverage, not even under Obama Care or if you lived in Cuba. I mean I don’t get dental at my office but I do get a good 401k but I don’t thinks slaves get any bennies like my friend Jenny, who works at Denny’s. She has to wear this ick tacky uniform even on casual Fridays. I guess that's a good thing about being a slave, its like, always casual friday. You just wear the same clothes every day. It would be kind of freeing not to have to choose what  to wear every day. When you're a slave you don't have to look pretty. It would be so nice not to have to do my hair do my in the morning. Actually, I would want to look as unpretty as possible because I wouldn't want to get raped. I mean that would be a major bummer if just because I'm so naturally hot that even with nappy hair all the boys would still want to rape me. Its a real curse being so beautiful. Not that most of YOU would understand.

I wouldn’t be able to read my magazines.

you know what would suck about being a slave? 1. No ice cream a. I love ice cream 2. No sunscreen a. My skin would be so sunburnt, and your chance of getting skin cancer can go up 100% if it gets burnt too many times! 3. No Gatorade a. I’m gonna be bummin without my electrolytes if I’m going to be working outside all day. 4. No retirement benefits a. What am I going to do when I can’t work 5. Aren’t allowed to read or right a. How am I going to know what happens in the next issue of superman b. How am I going to be able to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ i. I’m going to go to hell or at least limbo 6. If you are a girl you might be a sex slave a. Work on your back all day, ugh? My knees would be killing me. 7. Lashings a. Ouchie! 8. You don’t reap what you sow a. That’d be like working at target and then at the end of the week you don’t even a paycheck 9. Being called a nigger a. That would hurt my feelings a lot. 10. You get separated from your family a. Who’s gonna pay for all my stuff? i. My netflix!?

There’s a lot of bad things about slavery, but sometimes you gotta look on the bright side of life and find the silver lining on that cloud. 1. You get to be outside all day a. I have to work inside at my job, I’m not even by a window 2. Get in great shape a. Think how ripped your lats would be if you got to chop wood and dig ditches all day 3. Don’t have to make decisions a. I have so many decisions to make i. Should I get married and have kids? ii. What job should I get? iii. Where should I live? iv. When should I get up in the morning? v. What should I eat for breakfast? vi. How fast should I walk? 4. Dancing and singing with all your friends in spiritual harmony a. When we go to the club my friends never want to dance 5. Don’t have to pay rent a. My rent now is taking like half my paycheck

"You Know What the Worst Thing About Being a Slave Is? They Make You Work All Day but They Don't Pay You or Let You Go. "