Kicking Dylan

I ran into Bob Dylan returning a pair of shoes at the shoe store he said, "you shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you."

Drawers

Long thin drawers so you don't have to fold your clothes ever.

Schizo Diatribe

A didactic diatribe that is actually comedic because you switch topics every homophone. Having the speech have a didactic format makes the discovery more fun.

Schizo Celeb

I think celebrity is the best therapy for people who are going to be paranoid schizophrenic.

Cookbook Cooks

There is all the difference in the world between studying science of something and practicing the art of it. We would not like to be served by a cook whose only merit was an ability to recite the cookbook.

Bring Back The Arts

Little did the liberals know that "bring back the arts" petition they signed really was for logic, grammar, and rhetoric.

William's Syndrome

Critique a purple piece of prose by asking if the author has William's syndrome

Abecedarian

Abecedarian. Insult or sketch

Great Books

The teacher should be a medium of understanding between great books and students rather than an overarching figure that uses books as a pedagogocal tool.

Water Efficiency

I like to piss in the sink so that way I can be more efficient and wash my hands at the same time.

Chaos

Human reproduction is a chaotic system.

Comedy Directions

Comedy set gradually building up audiences willingness for smarter jokes instead of crude or another direction.

Jerry/Hisenberg

So what's the deal with turbulence?

I'm a Bitch

Transform the Louie CK bit of decision making from, "I'm an asshole" to "I'm a bitch".

The King's Clothes

I think fasion was invented when

Grinds my Gears

I think most people are upset with the way things work because they compare it to an ideal rather than from where it evolved.

Working for Websites

Saying that you work for a website is more impressive than saying that you own/manage/run a website.

Courts

Optimistically, businesses will reduce the crime rate so they have better access to the court system.

Vegas odds

% of basketball games that go into overtime

Learn to Win

I would rather learn than win.

Behaviorist Computers

Computer interaction with humans leads to applied behaviorst perspectives.

XenoSex

The reason we want to have kids is because we are all xenophobic, we want to have more of us than them.

Original

Originality is a great way to express depth of knowledge because it hints at a recognition of a cliche.

Crying

My new ringtone is babies crying. Nothing makes you want to pick up the phone more.

Constraints

Creativity loves constraints.

Are you My Mother

Can you train an infant monkey to that that an infant human is its mother. I know you can trick it to thinking a terry cloth is mother but is there a type of pheromone that infants give off so this mistake doesn't happen?

Full Nelson Mandela

Did you know the Nelson Mandela was named after the wrestling move? his full name is full nelson mandela

Elephant Painting

I asked a friend what the difference between a vegetarian and a vegan. They said that vegan’s don’t use any animal byproducts. Does that mean you wouldn’t buy a painting from an elephant?

Creationism vs. racism

When I try to teach someone bigoted about one topic I do it by pitting another of their bigoted beliefs against it. Creationism vs. racism. Explain how the reason black people are better at basketball is because of evolution. That way they have to change at least one of their bigoted views. (Act out exaggerated confusion culminating in head exploding).

Synchronized Winter Sports

Synchronized Winter Sports!
Skiing and Snowboarding!

Basketball Practice

Basketball training where the players shoot every type of basket (3's layups jumpers from all over) and if they shot below a certain percent from that spot they wouldn't be allowed to take that shot during games. If they did and they missed than they would have to do laps for every percent point they were below the accepted for that shot.

Laying down the King

A murderer who played you at chess for your life. He had a set where there was a magnet under one of the squares so if the king moved there he would be knocked over.

Circlejerk

with the help of technology we will evolve into a society approaching complete common knowledge, exe memes, reddit chain of thought (circlejerk).

Individual Knowledge

Whenever you can only think of exaggerated counter examples then it is likely that more additional layers of context lie beneath.

Encyclopedia

I need to invent the next level of encyclopedia; biography of a universal life told thgough every possible thought.

Nirvana

The way to reach nirvana is through evolution as a species, not just through evolution within the individual

Drug Efficiency

A Matirx like injection point surgically implanted for more direct/efficient drug use.

Talking in Class

Allowing talking in class leads to more episodic rather than just semantic memory

long commercials

Multi part (20/5sec clips) commercial that skips uses 15 parts randomly, then you fill in the blanks yourself when they are missing which becomes free advert

Clapper

Take the idea of the clap on light. Expand so that to instead of using laser remotes you use pitch/rhythmic controlled remotes. Then imagine creating music for practical purpose.

Escapade

I feel like im on a journey and Ive been gone so long I don't know what I'm coming back to.

Octogenarian Addicts

What percent of 80 year old people are drug addicts.

Staring

I wish it was more socially acceptable to stare at people for long periods of time.

Taking Good Time

Bad things happen all the time, good things take time.
I don't know if this is true.

Life Expectancy

Does an increase in life expectancy increase or decrease population.

Poor Substitute

If I was a substitute teacher I would try to show the kids that almost all power the teacher has over them is illusory.

Failed Experimnets

A pop fiction book about experiments that never quite gained enough raw data to support their cases, but have interesting anecdotal evidence.

Failed Experimnets

A pop fiction book about experiments that never quite gained enough raw data to support their cases, but have interesting anecdotal evidence.

Tonal Language

When a language is tonal does it remove the ability to use vocal inflection for things like sarcasm? Or are they just replaced with explicit words. Does this make it easier to lie?