Astronaut

Masterbation

Stand Up Intro 2

For those of you who don't know me, Im James, and for those of you who do, quit fucking my girlfriend.

Weekend At Bernies

Movie Idea: A black Weekend At Bernie's set in pre-Civil war south.

Uptown Obama

I want to see a picture of Obama stepping off Air Force One, in Air Force Ones

Attention

The people who seek attention most for themselves are the ones watching you the closest.

Title

A good title: "Thoughts too eccentric to share with the person sitting next to me."

Internet Power

The internet gains power from the fact that the average user does not understand its immensity. Therefore they see fellow users as members of a smaller group or a group of greater significance.

Tattoo Time Stamp

I think I will get a tattoo when I am who I want to be, as a time stamp of that moment in time.

Mantis

A story about a husband and wife who decide to have a child. While they are having sex the wife cut's the guy's head off, gets pregnant and then has his kids.
The twist at the end is that they are Mantis

Stand Up Intro

"I like to tailor my jokes to my audience
So you know what that means,

Yeah that's right

Fat Jokes

sounds like I'll be doing dumb jokes too."

Paranoia

I want to be famous so I can be comfortable knowing my paranoia has merit.

3 Pigs

Wolf's be dreamin bout how I blow through bricks.
and I throw the sticks.

Cop

I used to be a cop and I was able to convince my friends that it was ilegal for me to carry cash because then I could be accused of accepting bribes.

Sir/Madam

I think we should reintroduce sir and madam because the forced respect will lead to real respect of one another

Commercials

Advertisers think that television commercials need to be simple because they are so short. In reality they can be layered with complexity and people will understand them purely because of the amount of times that we watch them.

Window Shopper

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_34tpg2994
Imma start doing music reviews. Since I do them anyway I might as well write it down.

Too smooth the stutter 50 cent is as cool as the other side of the pillow. You can't help but

Custard

I want to make a large batch of custard and get a hamster to run on it.

View

When buying real estate, a view can be a pricey thing. But my favorite view is of the sky, and you can see that from a park bench.

Tom Sawyer

I think that people take the wrong lesson from the story of Tom Sawyer and the whitewashed fence. What I take from it is that the line dividing work and play is truly arbitrary.

Spiderwebs

I like walking in front of people and constantly pretending to run into spiderwebs.

Speak to be Heard

I recently learned that Asian culture places responsibility of comprehension on the listener while Westerners place the responsibility on the speaker.
I think the consequences of this are that Asians speak more deeply while Westerners speak to a wider audience.

Misconceptions

It's difficult for me to remember misconceptions that I have had other than at the point of learning.

Nurse Girlfriend

So I was dating this nurse and her hospital was having a blood drive but I'm scared of needles so I told her I have AIDS,
which she was really pissed about because we have been sharing needles,
ever since she broke her's when our knitting class learned the double purl.

War Criminals

I would like to read a book where the main character is a defense lawyer defending famous war criminals. Hopefully it would provide insight into the humanity of these people who from any other perspective would only be seen as monsters.

Measuring Intelligence

I think an interesting way to measure intelligence would be by the amount of thoughts per stimuli.

Panhandling

What would be the most discouraging response to a pan handler?

If Youe Were A Flower

You would be a melancauliflower

Stereotypes

In my opinion, believing a stereotype is the same thing as perpetuating it.

Contributing to Society

One of the things I like about art is that anyone can almost immediately make a contribution to a societies collective knowledge just through their unique perspective. Try to make a contribution of that type in other fields like math or physics and it could take your whole life.

Didactic

I hate to be didactic
but its to late to retract it
plus

Baby's Breath of My Bouquet

You’re the baby’s breath of my bouquet.” It’s my go to line, a pleasant compliment a pretty comparison to a flower. Its honest, not an exaggerated truth that most people tend to give. Most people I meet, most people I know, are the equivalent of baby’s breath of my friendship bouquet. I really enjoy baby’s breath, it’s truly an overlooked flower. So many small white petals speckle the thin green stems that even if you wanted to you couldn’t count them all. Even though it is truly beautiful in its own right, most often it’s just used as filler between the more prominent flowers, the ones we all know by name, the roses, the orchids, the violets.
Not everyone gets to be a rose, not everyone should want to either. I have enough rosy friends. I love their beautiful complexity, but we all know that these petals are born from a stem of thorns. Baby’s breath can be a beautiful cover, a protection from the stem that’s unpleasant the eyes and harmful to the touch.
Few people I know are orchids. They are the definition of perfection, best flowers forever, but even a bouquet of orchids can lose my interest. Like the fabled Christmas every day, its flawless nature loses its value when only compared to itself. Baby’s breath offers a charming contrast. It’s a flower with innocent beauty, hardly presumptuous I am satisfied with its quiet company. I enjoy its tiny petals, but honestly, it only captures my concentration when I am take a break from long and longing stares at perfection.
Violets are the baby’s breath’s natural companion. With short stems its petals stand as if it were an equal. The white of the baby’s breath makes the violet more vibrant, while the violet’s violet makes the white look even more pure. While I don’t spend much time with them individually they I love to be with them when they are together. Rather plain when apart, but when together they build each other up until I am just as happy with them as I am with almost any others.
Our flowery companions accompany us through the hills and valleys of our lives. Some take monopolize our time and devotion. Some have depth that we have been delving into for years. We have a few that will always stay close to our hearts, but most people will forever remain the baby’s breath of our bouquets.

Jack's a Dull Boy

I blur the line of work and fun
So I can get all my shit done
But when the work is put away
I find it hard to go and play

Value of Questions

I think that the smartest people are the ones who ask the most questions. Not because they receive the most answers but because they are actively searching for the unknown.

Naive Character

Every story needs a naive character so that the character and the reader can be taught in conjunction.

Frontiersmen

While making a home for their families, frontiersmen were also making a home for their country.

Proust

I was trying to fall asleep last night, looking at the red numbers on my clock. I quickly asked myself, is midnight AM or PM. For some reason, I didn’t know the answer as well as I should. I have always confused when AM begins, and it usually takes me a few seconds to sort it all out. For my whole life until this point I would think; 10PM is followed by… 11PM, which is followed by…, logically 12PM. Only it isn’t. It’s the other way around. That is until this special night when I looked at this problem from a different logical construct. If you think of the clock as in its circular, analog form, you must imagine 12:05 not as 12:05 but rather as 00:05. I realize this probably comes natural to people who grew up among military time, but for some reason I had never looked at time in this way.
Then I wondered what led to this elucidation. If course it’s from the programming methodology class that I have been watching for the last several weeks. In programming, counting generally begins at zero rather than at one. Because this is somewhat of a paradigm shift for most people, the professor had made a point of mentioning the fact on multiple occasions.
I think this is a great example of a thought that has been consuming a lot of my thought time for the past few weeks. Proust says it best, “The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

Saddest Death

I think the saddest death is the death of a twin.

Dirt

People are buried in the ground when they die, but plants are buried in the ground to be born.

Infanticide

Almost everything is an infanticide. Even just a puddle.

Reusable Cans

This might exist already but if you had some type of device that would reseal a metal coke can.

Eugenics

I don't understand why eugenics isn't practiced more openly on people.

Traditions

I think that traditions are more important for people who are less skilled at expressing themselves freely.

Relationship Value

When the value of a relationship is greater than the potential difference in potential mate quality times the potential time for relationship; marriage should occur.

Slave Suicide

I wonder what the rate of suicide among slaves is. I wonder how you would figure that out it probably isn't well or accurately documented? Although I would imagine for business purposes in those times an estimate would have useful so there might be data used for those purposes.

5 Character Book

I think an interesting book would be a collection of stories about 5 people. Each story being told by one of the other 5 people with a total of 16 stories.

Very Sorry

You never did
I never don’t
You were a kid
I said I won’t
Leave you unless I think it’s better for both of us

I tried so hard
I did my best
I would watch guard, while your eyes rest
I disregard
That little pest
But to discard, would be the test
You were with me
Two months five years
You couldn’t see; so many tears
So many pains; so many fears
So many veins; now souvenirs
I tried to hide
Away my shame
I was your guide, I am to blame

You never did
I never don’t
You were a kid
I said I won’t
Leave you unless I think it’s better for both of us

I swore that you
Would never know
And that is why I now must go

Success Studies

I think that any study done about successful people would have to be inherently biased. Or one on people with above average intelligence.

Because only those people would be smart enough to come up with and conduct the studies.

New Hands

How long do you think it would take you to notice if someone switched hands with you if you could only notice through the sense of touch?

All's Fair in Love and War

If your race is at war with another race I think an ridiculous strategy would be to swap sperm bank materials in your enemy country's sperm banks with seed from your own. It would be interesting to see what would happen next.

Or to fight a war with love and just have all of your attractive females go to the other country and seduce the men.