Saturday, November 7, 2020

time flies when your having fun is wrong, it's backwards, when you're having fun looking back on a short period of time seems longer.

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Sunday, September 27, 2020

call someone twinkletoes beacuse autistic not gay. or say someone is tiptoing when exhibiting autistic tendencies.

Friday, September 25, 2020

drinking water is one of the main things of life. its the meaning of life, it solves all my problems and is exactly what I need. water is the cheapest most satisfying thing after sleep

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

english dub crime patrol
an even more briefer history of time
replace lover cliches with lubber and make them about pirates and make t-shirts
time machine games
pirate radio from the 20's that did audio porn
fucc friends song over friends intro video
james explains every joke (hurcules) (blazing saddles)
food fights are an evolutionary cure for depression
how many licks youtube channel
big, sol, camilla, anna, fernanda toe names
all ads podcast

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Saturday, August 29, 2020

I was in Mexico and I tried to find a home depo. There was only one and it was shaped like a pentagon.

Friday, August 28, 2020

Tandem stilts

Front to back like a horse, or one on double top.

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

have you ever read a book and not used a bookmark, just been like, "I'll find it".
2020 the summer of hats
the alzheimer ward, where memories leave but they don't enter
if my son goes to school and cathces the coronavirus and dies can I sue the school

Monday, August 10, 2020

Who's the oldest child you know?( In a good way)
Uncle Bruce

Thursday, August 6, 2020

The amount of exposition they give Yu-Gi-Oh is the amount I need for chess.

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

Saturday, August 1, 2020

Did Jesus have all the classic signs of suicidal, always thinking of others and never himself, giving away all his possession, no one who really 'knows' him. Surrounded by yesmen, death at 33. Dying on the cross was like suicide by cop.

Thursday, July 23, 2020

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

Saturday, July 18, 2020

Grandmother, what big cock you have. All the better to fuck you with my dear.

Friday, July 17, 2020

When I'm born again I want my first words to be "happy birthday" just like my hero, frosty the snowman
Thomas hells yefferson

Saturday, July 11, 2020

Only the disabled (cripples) should be allowed to be musicians

Friday, July 10, 2020

A scrren door slammed in the distance and Alice's dog barked.
"Who is it?" Alice called out to what was assuredly no one
"No one of consequence!" She called back in a mock plaintive voice.
"Well that's certainly decidedly so. I've never meet anyone of consequence in all my life, the only people I meet are reactionaries. How doubly unlikely that a scrren door is actually a person and that person is some one of consequence! 
when are the search history leaks gonna come out?

Thursday, July 9, 2020

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Never forget that's my motto. Me and 9/11 have the same motto. Me 9/11 and elephants. That's something that we all have in common.
i had a dream where someone shaved my beard and then blacked it out way thicker and no one believed me

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

I can piss in a pot I got shit in the pan.
The only way I'll retire is as the Michilian Man
Jokes about the difficulties of being a comedy club waitress

Friday, June 12, 2020

Sunday, June 7, 2020

If someone asks if I can do an impression do Peter Faulk, lazy eye "just one more thing, princess buttercup"