T-shirt
A floral print shirt with tea leaves

the sun is cold in the middle like a hot pocket from the microwave

Character has to prove they aren't an imbosile so that they aren't forced to be steralized. "Three generations of imbosilles is enough."
Buck v. Bell

Nba could/should double the number of cities. Look how many colleges sell out stadiums. Smaller towns have stronger dedication.

Interview where people ask me questions about my favorite people always choose someone named James. Jimi Hendrix playing for the JB's would be my dream band. Jim Brown football, LeBron basketball, James Joyce, James Acaster, Jim Morrison.

Throwing a James only party would be fun. Girls don't have to be named James, just the boys.

you'r butt is so white that if you were in a dark room and someone lit a canle across the room and your pants were down, you'd get a sunburn in 15 minutes

A "yes dear" audio button voiced by Sean Clements

Chocolate coated hot tamales, or caramel coat

Pet wrapping paper

If people were like tank fish. How much volume does each person need. And/or area. How much open space how far to travel, how much commute how big of a range.

They say kids lauge 127 times a day but that adults only laugh 11. Is the total amount of time still the same? I understand the intensity is stronger with kids but I'd rather not have to cry 50 times a day as well.

I like the song ghost riders in the sky because I'm fine with ghosts as long as they're not on the ground. I don't like ground ghosts, but in the sky?

Halloween edition of bumping mics where everyone is wearing a costume but with all plants so you can more precise jokes. Tell the plants that they're one of a few plants but don't tell anyone else.

Does the devil exhibit the extremes of sin in his own actions. Is he slothful, wrathful, envious etc

Candy/dessert buffet

"who do I want to live longer, the earth or me" Jordan shaver

How come things that are mature and immature are the same types of comedy

Jim Bridger story on panel show

You know how you're not supposed to rub your eyes when they're itchy. I do it anyways. But then it feels so much worse when you stop that you do it more.
What's that thing that one you stop doing something bad it hurts too much to quit that you keep doing it even though it's bad.

Character who only speaks in music quotes.
not toungue in cheek

Have you ever solved a math puzzle them laughed to yourself?

What kind of comedian would that be?

Star wars counter argument: Say "Luke Skywalker" 50 times

Truth or Dare.
Truth.
What do you look like naked?

A classroom where everyone has different Cuckoo clock wrist watches that are a little off each other timewise. One watch noticibly larger that goes off last and when the watch opens the door opens and a guy in a giant bird costume enters screams cookoo and does a crazy dance

Cup-pies

Do you know the only thing that's better underground? Railroad.

What is the distinction between learning in front of an audience and solo. When you are in front of an audience it forces you to perform. Learning requires mistakes which is less comfortable when visible. BUt when it's visible it's more pressing to address, which makes you learn more effectivly. The feedback is good because of the solutions it provides but bad because it puts you into a non natural state. Ways to overcome... Practice Acknowledge that it's a non natural state and create a character Prioritize maxing comfort and familiarity with being yourself on stage Practice in front of a weak audience and build up.

When people in NZ say "sweet as" I like to say something sweet.

Sweet as...
White gold kit kat
Ice cream Sunday on a Tuesday with cherry on top and the bottom
12 days into a no sugar only dairy and carb diet you sneak to the fridge in the middle of the night and there's a bag of grapes that you accidentally bought because you forgot that fruit has sugar. And you didn't want to throw them away fresh so you just leave them in the fridge until they go bad. And you feel through the bag and most of them are soft but then you find one that's perfectly firm. And you feel it like you're feeling a baby.

I like making people tase things by using words. Good food is probably better than bad.

Even a broken rooster is right once in it's life

I want to be a single father who brings his kid to work in order to teach them.

They aren't allowed to have your data but what they do have is everyone's data and how different are you from everyone?

Do a recorded crowd work stand up special and fill the audience with plants. Who has the record for most plants in a show?

Jimmy Carr is the British Steve Harvey

Metric system isn't better for conversation. No one's telling me to centimeters forward. If something's far, it's miles.

Do a stand up special and call it "Dr Reverend Mr Luther King Jr" and have every joke start with " I had a dream"

Room?

I had a dream where I was in an argument and my position was "A hallway IS a room". I soon became aware I had very little evidence to back this up, especially considering how much conviction as I was putting into defending it. So I ran away. You know how once you start running in a dream sometimes it just becomes a running dream. So now I'm running down one of those never ending scooby doo hallways where you pass by the same painting 3 times. I thought to myself, "This is too substantial not to be considered it's own room."

Astronaut pen spinning

When you don't know if a friend's dog is a boy or girl. And the name doesn't help.

do any stand up's actually use plants?

Would wagons/carriages with Giant wheels ride smoother. Was there an era where giant wheels were in fashion and people kept trying to one up each other?

If duels became legal how would it change society?
A TV show about a country that starts out like the US but they get a crazy leader who keeps changing big random rules.
1 new law a week?

If I ran a university it would be interesting if I started a dorm where a guy and a girl had to be roommates. As many would be bad but I think it woulddo more good than harm. How many would get married, better friend group mixing. Hopefully not an increase in rape but now that I'm thinking about it, if it's even a little that might not be worth it.

you know how you can say words that you can't spell and you can spell words that you can't pronounce shouldn't those two things be more intrinsically linked boy wouldn't that be more convenient

James at 15

when I was 15 my favorite show starred a young lance kerwin

I don't understand stores that keep regular business hours. You wanna buy shoes? You got money? Do you work a normal job? Sorry, not our demographic. We only cater to the unemployed.

Police newspaper.
Cop news

Why do clothes need tags?

Guinness breaks their records into weight classes.

Pay employees per hour to sleep.

A camels hump that stores sleep