Tortoise and hare alternative. 10,000 mile race

Not good is rarely "great"

My hair has potential for audacity. Unleashable at any moment

Why doesn't a river create static electricity through friction

I couldn't be a doctor because I don't like blood. Doctors are all people who answered the question, "how much do you like blood" with, "I wouldn't mind making it my profession" "I wouldn't mind bathing my hands in it every morning"

There ain't no more adolfs there ain't no more judases there ain't no more cassieses there ain't no more brutuses.
Actually I think Brutus might be making a 2 thousand year come back. I don't know any Brutuses but I feel like they are out there.

Too lazy to go to bed

Shiny Golden garbage bags

Rube Goldberg meets dr kvorkian comic series

When it comes to in and out. I like the in more than the out

Vatican city curling team

Chinese cowboy in western China

The bashful Jehovah's witness football player

Have you ever been doing a math problem, and you know the answer is one, but you can't prove it.

Child molesters.
Do children get in trouble for molesting adults?

Flower "style" is human "vagina"

I spend a lot of my time alone and it's a luxury I won't always have.

Heard a noise.

I'm not sure what it was but something fell.
What was up that could have fallen.
Did I leave something precariously perched, go to the bathroom and then forget about it?

Tweeze beard
Wax top of head

A tv commercial for a local church

I like games. I like to play footsie under the table with your wife.

Pick a rock off the ground, brush the dirt off

The gravitas of the stage brings poignancy to simple absurdity.

Put on belt clockwise or counter clockwise

Hey, quiet coyote

Give up on hike

Who does the devil have on his shoulder?

The water was as grey as the shingles on the roof of the abandoned National Gaurds building and the forest in the distance was a darker gray and they sky a lighter hue but all that I can see out my window is difinitivly gray.

I had an argument about weather an open or closed door is a binary. A little bit open IS OPEN! I can't read the intent from outside.

Cold case files: ed sheeran steals chinese food from a buffet

Jesus is a cure for ocd. Forgiveness breaks the negative feedback loop

How many issues can you care about?

"Don't wash don't brush" -Rainbow

Eagle bear

Medicine bear lone warrior

Tuesday Three Stars

John Turnip Seed

Whats to stop the other person from looking through the glory hole after you are done?

Chicken and a can of coke

You impudent rascal

Tim Allen and Sinbad are buddy cops

A pillow on a bean bag chair is like the first person who put a cherry on top of an ice cream Sunday.

When you meet a girl and find out her last name, ask her if she knows about the porn star who has the same name

Pride is uncool

The back of my hand isn't the body part I'm most intimately familiar with

Whats more important to halloween, candy or costumes

A sweater is just a giant knot.

If you like "N'Sync" you might like "The Backstreet Boys"

Snap button pants

Bah humbug for other holidays

My name is Birthday.

Breathing is hard to do wrong

Responsibility is a price you pay for success