Vicious maliciousness

Foolishness provoked by absurdity

A writing exercise where you think of a thing and the you think of the least likely place it could be, then you try to explain the story of how it came to be

I have more positive dreams when I fall asleep in a confident position, face up with my hands open by my sides

make faces first and then learn the voice of an impression

My nickname s kix. Cause I'm kid tested, mother approved.

The world is chaotic and so am I

what are moments of fun within a game?

"A crisis is not the time to learn new things." -Holly

"Faint hearts never won fair ladies"- Robin Hood

do you ever get scared by the lack of control that you have over other people? Someone you are talking to could just decide, in a moment, to punch you in the face, or announce your biggest secret to the world\

I think my own thoughts are more interesting than others mostly due to topicality

A three way debate about the value of $
$1000

have you ever used the battery cover on your tv remote as a spoon because you didn't want to get up

Kids named Rafi and dreams of banana phones

How does the brain's perception of time change in outer space

meaning requires agreement between communicable properties over symbolic imagery

the reason that we don't have memories before we are 2 is because our memories are not conscious thoughts, you are learning how to chew food, how to move your arms, muscle memories. I bet you still remember how to do those things

movie that quickly tangents into disparate genres. a romantic comedy where all of a sudden the guy gets shot by a sniper and the gril becomes the lead in an action move which then becomes a legal drama

When do happy memories become sad?

Hot potatoe electric shock ball

banana phone ring tone

if we can perceive faster than the speed of light, all history can be captured and accessed.

The worst thing to keep in plain sight in your car is food. Because impulsive people are more likely to only think one step out

You ever find yourself with a song stuck in your head? that's the worst actually even worse is when that song, that song thats stuck in your head, is like a song that is inappropriate like it has bunch of blasphemous curse words and you work at some kind of place where cursing is frowned upon, like a like a church. That wouldn't be good, you go up to do some preaching and spreading the good word and the church bells are ringing and then you find your foot tapping, tapping to the sound of hymns being sung and you think, "hey, this partcular hymn verse sounds very similar to snoop doggy dog. And you start imagining snoop's lyrics over the church bells, and then all of a sudden the church bells stop ringing, but your imagination is still singing the song. And then you realize that after the song ends that means that now its your turn to talk. So now you're trying to rember some speech you thought up five minutes before the service started, but you cant because your head is riddled with curse words and blasphmy, and maybe you make it through your sermen and the thing with the thing and the song is still stuck in your god damn head, so you decide to start humming the song thinking maybe that will make it go away. But then a member of your congregation a lone sheep in your flock as you would say. And that person is coming up to you for advice on a very serious matter like, their house was burnt to the ground in a fire and all their possesions were engulfed and their children are covered with third degree burns. Meanwhile you still have that song stuck in your head from before, that song with snoop doggy dog. So the person comes up to you and they dont want to just begin a conversation by saying "my house burned in a fire!", they want to eas you into it. So they say something like, "say whats that song you're humming?" and you try to lie but you arent very good because you never practice. And you cant say the truth because you dont want this person, one of your subjects, if you are the object they are your subjects. You dont want them to know who you really are, you want them to know the person that you pretend to be.

or like its not a song that makes you look like you are pretending to see.

How wide would a grave have to be in order for you to be able to dig one six feet deep?
Given that the material you are digging is...
A. Clay
B. Sand
C. Loam
D. Water

Collection of morbid math story problems

podcast where a child "reads" a story and I play uncle bruce

mirrored sunglasses where they put the lense in backwards

We need to legalize child labor so that selling drugs isnt the easiest way for kids to make money.

"my two favorite generas of music are; sonic terrorism and experimental rap" -jacob

A character who discounts reasonable warnings as paranoia because he thinks he is being paranoid from druga

I like "country" "folk"

Belly button sweat

Ask burr about the one child policy

"You have to ask people before you give them hugs, you cant just give hugs to strangers."

"There once was a boy named James. He got slapped in the butt and then he died." -Samantha

man in the mirror motion sensor (shnabubla version) music on cues resulting from certain actions around the house ask Vasu

ask a fool an impossible question

Van Morrison> Cat Stevens> Gordon Light foot> Jim Croce

dress like willy wonka and go out on the street giving candy to random, well behaving children

hexstat probability fountain

Gif storyboard

"hunger is the best sauce in the world" -cervantes

If you were a woodchuck, how frequently do you think you would be asked, "how much wood can you chuck?"

For breakfast I had bacon, eggs, toast, sorry I didnt mean to offend you, I know you are a decendant of toast, you come from a very strange family

even if every citizen of the united states had an assault rifle, we still couldn't defend ourselves against martial law enforced by the U.S. military.

a YouTube channel like cinemasins but for cinema successes explain every joke in a movie

A synonym for sin.

dr. vinnie boombats tv show, sketch the other perspective from the rodney jokes

I recently performed for an hour in front of 30,000 people. I performed it on the overpass of a major interstate. Not everyone stayed till the end, aaand not everyone got there on time, aaaaand the acoustics were not ideal. but other than that it went pretty well. Some of my jokes went over their heads.