dress like willy wonka and go out on the street giving candy to random, well behaving children

hexstat probability fountain

Gif storyboard

"hunger is the best sauce in the world" -cervantes

If you were a woodchuck, how frequently do you think you would be asked, "how much wood can you chuck?"

For breakfast I had bacon, eggs, toast, sorry I didnt mean to offend you, I know you are a decendant of toast, you come from a very strange family

even if every citizen of the united states had an assault rifle, we still couldn't defend ourselves against martial law enforced by the U.S. military.

a YouTube channel like cinemasins but for cinema successes explain every joke in a movie

A synonym for sin.

dr. vinnie boombats tv show, sketch the other perspective from the rodney jokes

I recently performed for an hour in front of 30,000 people. I performed it on the overpass of a major interstate. Not everyone stayed till the end, aaand not everyone got there on time, aaaaand the acoustics were not ideal. but other than that it went pretty well. Some of my jokes went over their heads.

The other side of the swingsey

incontinent breakfast

Do you think Jay-Z's still spending money from 88?

sharply exhaled through his nose

my mother was a farmer's wife

LFO>Len (lyte funkie ones) "do you like butter tarts?"

"you dont scare me toilet!" while wearing a clown nose "oink oink im the king" - john
Put an empty sticker outline on your face, "i would vote for president pie and the first thing he would do is ban eating pies. Because he's a pie himself!"  stephen

Two Christmas babies get married on Christmas

How can I have a good day when the Lakers can't beat the Supersonic anymore?

draw dicks on dracula's face but he can't see them in the mirror

"The Native American group known as the Flathead Indians, in fact, did not practice head flattening, but were named as such in contrast to other Salishan people who used skull modification to make the head appear rounder." - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_cranial_deformation

so I chose the one less traveled by, and that has made all of the difference. What else was in contention to make a difference? Is his definition of making a difference, your deviations from the standard, unconscious decision. If so, I like it almost as much as William James on DMT.

a wrinkle in optimist prime time

linda ronstadt is the best white female vocalist since jenny lind

outsourced phone sex

dean martin foster brooks type sketch as an oil tank driver

interview Caitlin Jenner and only ask specific, non personal, decathlon questions, as if asking questions to an expert witness make her a serious Olympic reporter for decathlon

no body plays polevault for fun

ask kim kardashian, what are the 10 events in the decathalon and what order

script for bruce jenner olympic story. aka juice brenner former gold medal decathalon olympian, goes back to olympics 20 later competing as female athlete, sets records for most olds all time, phelps. played by christian bale

The man in the high castle, if the south won

Grocer-er

My grocer is the grossest. He regularly sells me 144 strawberries and, although I've never seen the old man wear a shirt, he has the best/cheapest berries around.

When financial panning for long terms, how is the chance of major geo-political events taken into consideration, exe. WW1, WW2, revolution. When gambling you should take into consideration that you will lose all of your money due to, corruption, theft, confiscation, force etc. and factor that into your odds.

He has more hops than a German beer

are there any basketball players with hairy arms?

My first word was quote

You don't have the imagination to do "anything"

Q:what are your thoughts on Obama's plans to regulate?
A:Regulate what?
Q:He has intention on becoming a regulator!
A:I still dont fully understand
Q:Obama is having talks with the good dr dre about hooking up some of those warren g tracks from the vault and let him spit some verses!
A:Word? I heard he got that flow
Q:You know he spit that fire
A: and i heard he got game.
Q:What?
A:i heard he was gonna take over kenny's spot on inside and sit next to barkley
D:i heard he got a shoe deal with nike
Q:Word?
A:yeah theyre gonna make new air force ones POTUS edition.
Q:Word?
D:I heard he wears a different pair every time he takes a flight
A: i heard he's gonna sign them, send them out to all the cities around the world like jesus' cross

First set, determine audience

I dont know
Ill ask you and come back
Dont commit to an untested paradigm
What do you think about crowdwork
Some like some hate
Tension, energy
Focus redirected
The chosen compared to ideal selves

Bad words
Blasphemy?

Obsenity
The corners of my smile dont turn up all the way unless i hear the word fuck 3 times

vulgarity
Who likes shit, what about rape?
Does anybody like rape jokes? Tough to raise your hand

Remember that you are happy

Chin ho would always lose the tail, why would Dano always put him on the tail! - jeff van gundy

abortion is the worst murder and euthanasia is the best

I dont trust voters in iowa ever sense they voted gopher from the love boat into the house of representatives

Americans are the only people who cant stand racism because they tried to escape thier race and now americans dont have A race. They dont have A culture they dont have An identity. America claims to be a melting pot. When you have too many discordanate ingredients in one pot it doesnt taste very goodgood if America was a color it would be brownish-black blackish Brown and not because of the color of the skin of his people but because that's what happens when you tricolor with too many friends had too many layers of oil pastels you got a blackish brown match that doesn't look like anything

afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted

self anointed

Self-anointing wither means becoming holy or covering yourself in piss.

What is the best one-on-one sport

Its a game of moments

I feel uncomfortable doing my own thing in the context of other people. When I am around others, all of my thoughts and actions are filtered through what they might be thinking.