Communist catch 22

How would society be different if becoming a doctor was easy but to become a garbage man took years of study

Red hammer

No one wants to admit that they are biased. No one thinks their opinions are wrong.

Domineering mothers buy their young kids jackets with hoods so there is more scuff of neck to grab and direct.

I would rather be interesting than honest

Door to door investment sales. Market like lottery tickets. Make comparisons to early investors in Microsoft and Amazon. Act now for a higher percentage which goes down with every new investor

In defense of man-spreading.

Brian Wilson is not dead he's just went back to bed and when people look for him he hides under the covers

The reason you don't see fat old people has very to do with the death rates of morbid obesity but rather are telling of the deterioration of old age. Have you ever seen noticed how there are no tall old people. I believe it is better to store up while you're young.

I support the troops. I support all the troops. I support all the troops from every country.

Thomas Jefferson will only fight in the octagon

braunschwager

I got Lebron swagger (le braunschwager)

old people unable to hear their loud voice leading to embarrassment of people around them

My office is a hall of mirrors

Am I racist?

My favorite basketball player in John Stockton, my favorite rapper is Eminem and my favorite comic from "In Living Color" was Jim Carrey. Am I racist?

ask jlo and linda rondstat about jim carrey

a rich guy has a bad day

The worst part about going to a football as a kid is that you were eye level with a crowd of a million guys asses

I forgive Cosby. WWJD?

character: a confidant magician who's trick is obvious video editing

A mirror for touch

Scheherazade weaves a character arc like a sign wave

"I only like metal and the beach boys"- some random girl I met once

Podcast that is only commercials

Restaurant Puns

Jamaican me thirsty
Frank n stein

Eskimos should have a million ways to cook blubber (muktuk) just like how they have 100 words for snow, but most of them just eat it frozen

coughing break during piano recitals

All i do is Nguyen

In the future paper is banned and all writing must be electronic so the government can access it

Jack Black as Keith Stone

"I grew up when Franklin Roosevelt was always the president and Joe Lewis was always the champ" Hawkeye

"I don't make money so I can count it, I make money so I can roll in it"- Kevin Taylor

Train Bus

What if buses were designed like trains with detachable segments. Logistical flexibility double plus good

I was too afraid of being a coward to quit.
Still motivated by fear but applied in the opposite direction

How does dexterity contribute to physical health?

Jet lag

Why do people need to recover after travel? How is it a strenuous activity? You should come out of travel refreshed especially from a plane, you can sleep.

Reverse engineer music from an interpretive dance. Hip= base drum etc.

Accordion shirt

Reverse bass-drum pedal

dumb and lonely

Sometimes when I'm lonely I read hallmark birthday cards at the grocery store and it makes me feel better

Opening shot heaven. Enter through gates into heaven. A velvet rope in front of a staircase, whose hidden by clouds. A sign in front that reads. Presidential suite.
Scene with all our favorite presidents as angels. (Teddy, Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, Regan)
Presidents are trying to start a band because they are tired of just listening to harp music. They ask around to see which presidents play which instruments.

Does the president play an instrument? Has a world leader ever played a cool instrument? What if the president of Poland makes beats for fun on the side.
What if Obama played bass.

What if there was a band of world leaders.
Meets Fleetwood Mac.
Band problems have international implications

2 Connecticut Yankees in King Arthur's Court

Weight loss advertisement with before picture as normal slightly overweight guy letting his gut hang out. "I lost 28 pounds" . The after picture is slightlty slimmer sucking in gut and only has one arm.

advice for college freshmen Initiate conversations to trade contact information. Become a central port for party information. People, especially freshmen, are always looking for parties. Most people do not expand beyond their immediate groups. However the peak ability to gain contacts from disparate groups is the first few weeks of freshman year. Anyone you sit next to in any context could initiate a conversation where contact info could be shared. The more numbers you gather and give away the stronger your abilities to: create parties, scope out the best spot, flexibility in decisions at any moment in a night. you can be the connection between groups like ken-ex.

Tan-genital

If one good nba player decided to sear old school shorts he would make millions through increased brand awareness

The Sumner Standard, published "OUR OBJECTIVE: BANISH JAPS FOREVER FROM THE USA" on the front page for over 2 years straight