If on stage and someone is getting accuse them of being addicted but approach it overly sympathetically          Im sorry you have lost so much of your brain and placed it in that device

sometimes when i see a cute dog i offer to buy it. They never say ok and i feel it makes them love the dog all the more. then I tell them that he's a mirror image of a dog i had who died. I try to offer progressive sums to where they say yes. Then i snap out of character and tell them that the sum is how much their love is worth. Then I walk away.

Is there anything scarier, than a little kid, with a big stick. Just swinging it around with careless abandonment completely unaware of the laws of cintripital motion. I saw a four year old kid break a stick as thick as my thumb; against a tree that he didn't even see. )

russel brand as tiny tim

Elijah wood  dresses like a dressed down Mr rodgers

a rediculous ringtone "todd glass jingle with a persons name in it" style goes off and everybody checks thier phones, someone answers, it goes off again, everyone checks and then someone elses answers.

Old news, news for old people

instead of listing positive references, as a comedian, list places that you were condemned from

where did you meet?

act extremely precosious and gaurded when confronted with the dilemma of telling the crowd where you met your girlfirend, possibly hinting towards online, you actually met her at the dump she was driving a garbage truck

characters are more interesting/unique/relatable when they have disperate characteristics

Todd glass is, "fun dad"

radio show where they take and set up callers but only give one word answers then hang up and move on

freebird

i ran a all request radio station but everyone who called in asked for freebird. it ran at low cost, we only had to buy one album. i sold the company for 50 milllion dollars its now the third biggest radio station in the rust belt

Jack Horkheimer

Bit about people who are addicted to cell phones are just trapped within a reputation of punctual responses

Im sexist. But only physically. I think we are genetically the same mentally

how come newspapers never have the answers to the questions i want to know. the headline of the article is () i wanna know () and the go off on a diatribe on ()

honesty segment similar to norm and the horse. When are the most frequent lies and why do we do it?

kid grocery

taking kid to grocery store. when at store with kids you can seem like a culinary genius because your kid doestn't realize everything is labeled

Greg props is pewee human meets Dennis miller

Do you ever wish sometimes, that dragonflies could breath fire

When child calls someone fat or ugly its innocuous that you lose when you get older and pure fact is clouded by judgement. Somehow the child comment hurts more despite the lack of malicious intent because it is pure truth that cuts to the core

two dumb guys having a serious discussion trying to figure out what the dogs playing poker were talking about satarizing conversations in pretentious art galleries.

The purpose of pain is toredirect and focus your brains attention towards recovering a malady

nuremberg

what is the biggest crime you could forgive yourself for?

a measure of abstractness. could you describe it to a dog?

the mother of invention

why didn't a slave invent the cotton gin

funeral dirge

howlin wolf "goin down" great dirge

The problem with dating is that the ideal mate is the person who evokes the strongest positive emotion within you. Smile, come in your pants. But someone who has that emotion power over you in the positive direction also has it in the negative direction. Whenever you see an ex its like the opposite of coming in your past

hologram elvis on tour

borat meets rodney dangerfield

Movie

Movie about world with only men. Or a movie where everybody is the same person so i can act every role like a Eddie Murphy/john malkovitch he sees everything he hates about himself, then everything he loves about himself. (modest mouse centered soundtrack, doors,

wasnt me

shaggy stole from eddie murphy, "wasnt me"

to read music turn script sideways like a muslim

come out on stage like eddie murphy in leather and lights, but then tell jokes like stephen wright. (what would this characters name be?)

questions for comedians. Which stand up specials were especially significant?

i need to learn sean's more reasonable uninhibited qualities

disgust is an over ratted emotion, I try to never feel or express it. ask joe rogan how he feels about the emotion of disgust.

"instead of yo i heard dat" "yo i seen dat" "yo i felt that dat" "yo i smelled dat" "yo i tasted that"

why don't we just have our students read the common core requirements. All we would have to teach them is how to decipher this educational jargon, and the rest is laid out so straightforward that im sure they could figure it out. Or, if you want to still spread it out over a year, just have one day dedicated to each standard. (connect to next post)

when teaching the more layers of meaning and significance you can layer the stronger each moment is. You might have things that are significant on the scale of the whole year, and some that are only significant day to day. Therefore it would be optimally significant (and flexible) to move away from the daily significance toward the annual.

comprehensive lesson for kids. have them attempt to create their own language, steared through socratic method. provides different perspective.

A=B=C=D

what is the optimal ratio for a grade differential. Is it a normal distribution?

socratic language

have to make language like english, in class, and for homework make languge that does not conform to english standards. can customize requrements for individual students with greater range by not creating a cieling. being able to identify the wrong ansers is a skill sometimes more valuable than finding the write ones becaus ehter is only one right answer and infinate incorrect

Im as depressed as a bald wolly mammoth

2 year old interview style. After initial question ask why until end of interview/p>

Todd glass is a modern janus

will james talks to teachers on psychology is my gospel