You know you're broke when you get made at yourself for throwing up.

I needed those Valerie's I worked for an hour to earn the money for that food

Hack into the hospital sewer and start refining that shit

I'm pro censorship. That's how I know where the good stuff is.

If I hear like, this book was banned in Uganda, it's on my reading list

If the Grasshopper was a real book I for sure would have read it.

Dancing to car alarms.

Set em off and walk up the street to dance till someone turns it off then move down the block

Psychic who just predicts their own actions

Shaggy knows it was him right?

I want to die with a gun in my hands

"one turtle made a mistake"

4&6

You ever have one of those days where you never turn the lights on?

If babies were ugly I don't think they would make it out alive

Dum dum squad

If you were one of the 5 spice girls you would be (Szechuan peppercorn/star anise)

Fire retardant blanket

Retard short for fire retardant

explain how the 120 days of sodom was actually a good idea

I like showers more than baths because I'd rather wear a shower cap than a bathing suit

Portland me that be in your face but it's not aggressive.

Lady lightly touches my shoulder, whispers in my ear, your fly's down.

Health is for nerds

Would people laud a self exiled pedophile, pedophile island like a leper colony

Juggle 2 balls while stand up

Puts the od in podium

Having sex saying "oh" and "Yeah" until you sound like the coolaid man

Y'all like Reba?

If Astronauts die is there a special cemetery like Arlington

35 ppl per acre is urban

Have you ever had sex and both you and your partner are wearing boots?

roast fodder

you look like your idea of a ... is ... good job pretty girl good time

you look like if you're doing a puzzle with your family. you take one piece to put in your pocket to hold to the end so you can put the last piece in

How are trans people handling pronouns in Latin America. Or Russia. Just linguistically, socially is a different question.

Being optimistic is good, unless you're in Vegas

If introspection is looking within yourself what is extro-spection

Start Ding ding ditch

Seeing eye dog for my blind dog

Do Jews sing? In synogog or otherwise

Who's the most famous?

Psycho killer

Kiss cafe

Taking photos of Christmas blooms

#hellebored

Hellebore

90 to 10 intelligence

10 to 90 trickster

Mini-changa

5 for 4.95

Cold meat

How come you never see on social media the church using it's money for good

Cookie dough sleeve

I walk right down the drip line. I love the drips on my head

Flowers are for the dead

If I ever have to do radio phone interviews, I should pretend like I can do impressions

My favorite raindeer is nixon

You ever see a dude facing a wall... Standing on his tippy toes?

When was stretching invented

The n word wasn't one of Carlin's 7

Guy who thinks it's opposite day, but it's really tomorrow

Black and White episode

Getting old working out undead of for good looks, death prevention