Having meaningless sex with a beautiful girl was like the opposite of getting arrested.

Instead of, life isn't that bad

To I guess this is the peak?? I mean it's pretty good but what next?

Turtle guy is deep alone and he's not going to find a solution today

You ever think about buying a piece of clothes and realizing the closes are more audacious than you feel your personality can pull off

But nobody knows you can't unless you let them know by dropping that confidence for one second

How important is dance in your life

For me

I don't know if I can t makes my top ten

But you know there's some people out there, dance is like top five

Like "I just gotta dance" 

You know those people

Not me

Not most of the time anyway

Trains are like an art gallery parade

Especially in the rain

I imagine the people at raves need to dance as a balance to living in the tightest boxes for the rest of their week that they need 48 solid hours of dance to work out the kinks

Nobody can't pull off a long fur vest

Even the worst body looks glorious

Get a baby blu balazer and look like dad

Start recreating old dad photos

I got a pocket full of warm

Wet train graffiti

What percente of your life are you not dancing

I am in touch with my emotions, just not the sad ones

Who's the corniest white dude who still gets respect in the hood?

Ernie, or The Colonel 

"The difference between heaven and hell is harp lessons" -brett

Outside vs inside

All of comedy is based on an audience of mom

Make fake taboo cards with the n word on it

Have you ever listened to a baseball game on the radio?

How fast can a dog do the agility course rubbing his butt on the floor the whole time

Side scroller vr game instead of open world

Bring back cigarette rations

being a girl on a webcam is like walking to hannibal

I will let crimes commit if they are done on a stage 

Mail fraud guy

And isn't life a stage?

I look like...

True deep personal biographical facts

Went to the container store.

But do you contain multitudes?

Is shit vegetarian

Greek myths round the fire

John Wayne ellington

Ignorance is a luxury

Kunta Kinte Keith Toby Keith rap name

Sketch show but serious instead of comedy

I'm not an apologist, but...

There are few things in life as predictable as a bad improv scene. Comedy and surprise are interlinked which makes the attempt and failure so ironic

God and goodness are synonymous.

Oh my God

Oh my goodness

My favorite step in drug addiction is selling family heirlooms

I only n Ed one piece of information to make a nickname. 

Now sir, do you enjoy... Sexual activity?

Alright your nickname is Jergins

Laci godiva

When was the last time you sharpened a pencil?

I think 99% of all pencil sharpening is superfluous

I thought I just had the strongest bladder of all time.

sell pez on the street one at a time

Pretend to be a street Magician but use the distraction to prank people

No chewing tobacco allowed on planes?

"Motion is the best lotion"- Jon Madden

Laying in bed with a partner. Whisper in her ear, can you teach me how to douggie

I've been asked me If get ashy. Only on my dick.

Warren G - Harding

Character

Start set with "once upon a time"

Click and clack parody

Lebron converts to Judeasim to hide bald spot

Could I pull of a yamika? Is this bad cultural appropriation?

Cat allergies are twice as common as dog

Premise: Have you ever been wrong?