Do you know the only thing that's better underground? Railroad.

What is the distinction between learning in front of an audience and solo. When you are in front of an audience it forces you to perform. Learning requires mistakes which is less comfortable when visible. BUt when it's visible it's more pressing to address, which makes you learn more effectivly. The feedback is good because of the solutions it provides but bad because it puts you into a non natural state. Ways to overcome... Practice Acknowledge that it's a non natural state and create a character Prioritize maxing comfort and familiarity with being yourself on stage Practice in front of a weak audience and build up.

When people in NZ say "sweet as" I like to say something sweet.

Sweet as...
White gold kit kat
Ice cream Sunday on a Tuesday with cherry on top and the bottom
12 days into a no sugar only dairy and carb diet you sneak to the fridge in the middle of the night and there's a bag of grapes that you accidentally bought because you forgot that fruit has sugar. And you didn't want to throw them away fresh so you just leave them in the fridge until they go bad. And you feel through the bag and most of them are soft but then you find one that's perfectly firm. And you feel it like you're feeling a baby.

I like making people tase things by using words. Good food is probably better than bad.

Even a broken rooster is right once in it's life

I want to be a single father who brings his kid to work in order to teach them.

They aren't allowed to have your data but what they do have is everyone's data and how different are you from everyone?

Do a recorded crowd work stand up special and fill the audience with plants. Who has the record for most plants in a show?

Jimmy Carr is the British Steve Harvey

Metric system isn't better for conversation. No one's telling me to centimeters forward. If something's far, it's miles.

Do a stand up special and call it "Dr Reverend Mr Luther King Jr" and have every joke start with " I had a dream"

Room?

I had a dream where I was in an argument and my position was "A hallway IS a room". I soon became aware I had very little evidence to back this up, especially considering how much conviction as I was putting into defending it. So I ran away. You know how once you start running in a dream sometimes it just becomes a running dream. So now I'm running down one of those never ending scooby doo hallways where you pass by the same painting 3 times. I thought to myself, "This is too substantial not to be considered it's own room."

Astronaut pen spinning

When you don't know if a friend's dog is a boy or girl. And the name doesn't help.

do any stand up's actually use plants?

Would wagons/carriages with Giant wheels ride smoother. Was there an era where giant wheels were in fashion and people kept trying to one up each other?

If duels became legal how would it change society?
A TV show about a country that starts out like the US but they get a crazy leader who keeps changing big random rules.
1 new law a week?

If I ran a university it would be interesting if I started a dorm where a guy and a girl had to be roommates. As many would be bad but I think it woulddo more good than harm. How many would get married, better friend group mixing. Hopefully not an increase in rape but now that I'm thinking about it, if it's even a little that might not be worth it.

you know how you can say words that you can't spell and you can spell words that you can't pronounce shouldn't those two things be more intrinsically linked boy wouldn't that be more convenient

James at 15

when I was 15 my favorite show starred a young lance kerwin

I don't understand stores that keep regular business hours. You wanna buy shoes? You got money? Do you work a normal job? Sorry, not our demographic. We only cater to the unemployed.

Police newspaper.
Cop news

Why do clothes need tags?

Guinness breaks their records into weight classes.

Pay employees per hour to sleep.

A camels hump that stores sleep

Robert Caro on Edison power. Not the scientist but the power

autonomy, beneficence, non-maleficence and justice

Quote of the day on Facebook with explanation.

James beard

"Good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods; and good bread with fresh butter, the greatest of feasts."

I've been getting my James beard om more than any other period in my life.
Reading this quote makes me want to agree with it and since I try not to be a hypocrite that means good bread is on the horizon. Reading this quote, feels like a step in the process of eating. Not like being full and nor the feeling of Bread in the oven, a few hours away.

When I regulate what I eat quantity is easier than quality. A good Loaf of Bread is a simple meal compared to a sandwich. When is the last ut how many novels have I read where bread with cream is a pinnacle of satisfaction. Heidi, The Growth of the Soil and Russian short story are three that jump with immediacy.

Simple foods. Fruit apple bread.

A book of verse under the bough
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and Thou.

I dislike looking for parking more than walking excessively long distances.

How many senators have been assassinated?

Matthew 5:44 love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you What is the action of praying for your enemies. Pray for them to do what? Pray that they can see the error of their ways, the harm they are doing, and that they seek forgiveness for their transgressions? Is there a typical wording or action that is "praying for those who persecute you?" If "this is how you should pray" “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10 your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us today our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation,[j] but deliver us from the evil one. then how do you do that for someone?

You know what's cool? Rock overhangs. Especially if it's windy or rainy you can just stand by a wall with a rock overhang and your like a little bit protected. Not like all the way like being in a house or even as cool as being in a cave.
Now it looks like most of you aren't that impressed but I read a plaque at the museum that said "rock overhangs were popular as shelters during hunting trips 700 years ago"

People back then were like, you know where the new cool place to hang out is. That rock overhang, forget the club.

Elon musk bring back the world fair!

Shadow puppets in Antarctica

I don't like swimming in pools because I don't like the smell of chlorine. I think they should make swimming pools smell like cinnamon instead of chlorine.

Eat a plate of cinnamon rolls and people think I'm leading an active lifestyle.

If the earth is flat, what shapes is it. Why did the ancients assume "4 corners"

A guy who collects exotic animals so he won't get evicted

Lighter with add

People who complain about auto tune are the same people who complained when Dylan went electric.

Ice breaker question. Have you ever called 911?

What if we used a different person's death to measure every year

Name my Phoenix cinder ella

Ask John 3:16 people what begotten means

Tunnel skyscrapers?

Dude ranch doritos

When you buy a gun do you need to buy gun insurance?

I don't know what's been going on with the gluten market lately but they've been giving it away for free with all my favorite foods.

I think paying for gluten makes it taste better.

Most of my jokes are inside jokes so they might not work, after I blow the roof off this place!

Asked but never told Brave but never bold Bluff but never fold Shame but never scold Shook but never rolled Convinced but not cajoled Cool but never cold Win but never gold Always fit the mold

On average 1 every three rulers has been used to measure a penis.