story about a lonely suicidal person who wants to commit suicide but has a friend who convinces them to go super in debt to do bucket list before committing suicide. Only person on roller coaster with arms down ice cream melting over hand in a ball pit or a bed with a million pillows cut between these scenes with the same facial expression

Girls Wanna have fun > YMCA

Superman likes warhead candy, but not the black cherry. Too sour.

What is stalling gas mileage. Compare to human brain.

"You were in the infantry? That's pretty fancy, most of my family never made it out of childbirth?" - Brett Emmerson

France wishes it was an island

Green light means go... back to bed

How many questions do you ask a day. What are the averages for different age groups?

The bottom of hell is frozen because heat rises. That's why there's snow on the top of mountains. When Hell freezes "Over"

If you can play basketball, you can make friends in america.

F Lee Bailey.

Character who keeps telling DJ Khaled negative things

Looking up a word that you don't know while reading a book. There's no movie equivalent. You never have to pause a movie cause you don't understand and consult another different movie.

The closest thing is when you're watching a movie and you see someone who you recognize from another movie but you can't remember their name. It doesn't really impact your ability to understand what's going on, but it's distracting enough that I can't move past it.

IMDB is like the movie dictionary.

What are the cheapest and most expensive ways to die

I judge books by covers. I only read red books. You gotta pair it down somehow.

Guy who read all the books, how diligent was he?

Song writing tip. Find the best sound and use it a lot.

Steve post-fontaine

Jewish restaurant?

"My rat has testicular cancer" on a&e

Zen infomercial, where it is alright that things take a long time.

Zen garden infomercial sold by Ron popiel

It would be weird to look back on recent history as being more advanced.
I'm trying to imagine a romantic looking back on the bronze age from early dark ages.

"Brevity is hard to follow" - William James

Is it racist for a black person to do blackface?

Did Hitler use curse words in his speeches

To repair a net, you are putting more holes in it

Myopia is my opiate of choice

Its nice to have experts around because it allows me to maintain my ignorance and delegate knowledge

Superhero, save one life a day.
Would fit well into the avengers

I like shoulder pads because the body part I'm most attracted to in a female is her shoulder. Like when they do that thing with the bra strap. And my favorite type of shoulder on a girl is big.. and square.

It's hard to be a human being but it's harder as anything else
Like an octopus
Or a tree

Economy where things cost a percentage of your income

Cry

2 types of sci fi settings
The shake up (Iron man, scanner darkly)
Almost Equilibrium (1984, brave new world)

Non traditional bed sizes and shapes. And we sell the sheets.

Mario only drank juice. Extravagant?

Make a fake study correlating school shooters to classroom size. As long as the NRA is looking for any excuse for school shootings other than gun reform, why not use that to get school reforms.

Things that live under your bed are scary

Which police force in history was most "citizen friendly"

James Beard, James Cook

Adam sandler singing do wah diddy

Oh beehive

Protip. Guys wear sandals when they can't find clean socks.

Can't have two kids with the same name.

Being cold burns calories

You don't wanna be the worst person to ever have your name, unless your name is Ivan.

The first swords were like lightsabers

Man's intestinal track is a root turned inside out

Why aren't insurance companies leading the global warming r&d charge?

People don't like it when you call them someone else's name

Tortoise and hare alternative. 10,000 mile race