It would be weird to look back on recent history as being more advanced.
I'm trying to imagine a romantic looking back on the bronze age from early dark ages.

"Brevity is hard to follow" - William James

Is it racist for a black person to do blackface?

Did Hitler use curse words in his speeches

To repair a net, you are putting more holes in it

Myopia is my opiate of choice

Its nice to have experts around because it allows me to maintain my ignorance and delegate knowledge

Superhero, save one life a day.
Would fit well into the avengers

I like shoulder pads because the body part I'm most attracted to in a female is her shoulder. Like when they do that thing with the bra strap. And my favorite type of shoulder on a girl is big.. and square.

It's hard to be a human being but it's harder as anything else
Like an octopus
Or a tree

Economy where things cost a percentage of your income

Cry

2 types of sci fi settings
The shake up (Iron man, scanner darkly)
Almost Equilibrium (1984, brave new world)

Non traditional bed sizes and shapes. And we sell the sheets.

Mario only drank juice. Extravagant?

Make a fake study correlating school shooters to classroom size. As long as the NRA is looking for any excuse for school shootings other than gun reform, why not use that to get school reforms.

Things that live under your bed are scary

Which police force in history was most "citizen friendly"

James Beard, James Cook

Adam sandler singing do wah diddy

Oh beehive

Protip. Guys wear sandals when they can't find clean socks.

Can't have two kids with the same name.

Being cold burns calories

You don't wanna be the worst person to ever have your name, unless your name is Ivan.

The first swords were like lightsabers

Man's intestinal track is a root turned inside out

Why aren't insurance companies leading the global warming r&d charge?

People don't like it when you call them someone else's name

Tortoise and hare alternative. 10,000 mile race

Not good is rarely "great"

My hair has potential for audacity. Unleashable at any moment

Why doesn't a river create static electricity through friction

I couldn't be a doctor because I don't like blood. Doctors are all people who answered the question, "how much do you like blood" with, "I wouldn't mind making it my profession" "I wouldn't mind bathing my hands in it every morning"

There ain't no more adolfs there ain't no more judases there ain't no more cassieses there ain't no more brutuses.
Actually I think Brutus might be making a 2 thousand year come back. I don't know any Brutuses but I feel like they are out there.

Too lazy to go to bed

Shiny Golden garbage bags

Rube Goldberg meets dr kvorkian comic series

When it comes to in and out. I like the in more than the out

Vatican city curling team

Chinese cowboy in western China

The bashful Jehovah's witness football player

Have you ever been doing a math problem, and you know the answer is one, but you can't prove it.

Child molesters.
Do children get in trouble for molesting adults?

Flower "style" is human "vagina"

I spend a lot of my time alone and it's a luxury I won't always have.

Heard a noise.

I'm not sure what it was but something fell.
What was up that could have fallen.
Did I leave something precariously perched, go to the bathroom and then forget about it?

Tweeze beard
Wax top of head

A tv commercial for a local church

I like games. I like to play footsie under the table with your wife.

Pick a rock off the ground, brush the dirt off