Cold case files: ed sheeran steals chinese food from a buffet

Jesus is a cure for ocd. Forgiveness breaks the negative feedback loop

How many issues can you care about?

"Don't wash don't brush" -Rainbow

Eagle bear

Medicine bear lone warrior

Tuesday Three Stars

John Turnip Seed

Whats to stop the other person from looking through the glory hole after you are done?

Chicken and a can of coke

You impudent rascal

Tim Allen and Sinbad are buddy cops

A pillow on a bean bag chair is like the first person who put a cherry on top of an ice cream Sunday.

When you meet a girl and find out her last name, ask her if she knows about the porn star who has the same name

Pride is uncool

The back of my hand isn't the body part I'm most intimately familiar with

Whats more important to halloween, candy or costumes

A sweater is just a giant knot.

If you like "N'Sync" you might like "The Backstreet Boys"

Snap button pants

Bah humbug for other holidays

My name is Birthday.

Breathing is hard to do wrong

Responsibility is a price you pay for success

Han solo jacket

Talk show with two hosts

A show called Joe or Franklin where everyone's name is either Joe or Franklin

A show called Joe where everyone's name is Joe.

I can forgive myself for not being able to make the audience laugh

Bells and whisles are bad

Guy who doesn't say any bad words except for the n word

I'm not taking off no Abraham Lincoln Wednesday. Mlk was born on a Monday let's go with that. If only he had the forsight to be born in February

Do you think being a boy is easier than being a girl?

The power of secrets

Guys don't have purses because they couldn't stop swinging them around

If you have a vendetta with parking meters, have ever eaten 50 eggs, or smoke cigarettes

Guinness record for eating weird things

I want friends who have scores to settle with meter maids

Is there a website for petitions that I could e-sign?

Are serial killers getting better or are they not being made as much anymore

Aaron sorkin's labyrinth

Boredom is a perspective

I like to dance. My favorite kind of dance is the one when you're a little kid and you stand on your parents feet.

Sebastián anus alshimer shit it pants

Kramer's favorite part of raisin bran is the bran. He likes corn flakes better than frosted flakes. But shreaded wheat is still better frosted

Ghandi had the quickest fast in the Dutch East

Violence is a selfish act

Fakir

Gandhi (1982) Margaret Bourke-White: [interviewing Ba in prison] Is it hard, being separated this way? Kasturba Gandhi: Yes. But we see each other in the day. Margaret Bourke-White: But not at night? Kasturba Gandhi: In Hindu philosophy the way to God is to free yourself of possessions, and the passions that inflame anger and jealousy. Bapu has always struggled to find the way to God. Margaret Bourke-White: You mean he gave up... married life? Kasturba Gandhi: Four times he tried, and failed. But then he took a solemn vow. Margaret Bourke-White: And he has never broken it? Kasturba Gandhi: Not yet.

What does this mean

Fasting is a ballsy political move

Acceleration is more interesting than top speed

The key to comedy is wearing a dress

You know what's heavy? Bowling balls.