If I was a celebrity with skeletons in the closet, I would join Scientology, fast

That which we call a rose / By Any Other Name would smell as sweet.
What if you called it "poop"

What are the douchebag names for the next generation?

"ain't no such thing as halfway opera singing" mobb deep

Bike chop shop

Hap 3 musketeers
Rene chocolate peanut butter

More Schwab

Guys don't get purses because they will swing them around.

Musicians who have died on planes vs cars

Hard candy sucks. Hard is not a good adjective for food.

Pacing on the phone

Borat is a wild and crazy guy

Implications of a white guy who's 1/32 chinese

Guns don't seem like a good way to defend yourself. It's more of an offensive tool.

One way glory hole

Why do old people walk so slow. Have you ever seen someone over 90 run? How much can they ratch up.

Name son Shaft

Campbell's cut some corners this quarter

What kind of promotions can the dollar store have?

Ill try to make up for it with gesticulation and poignancy

Crib with a lid

Whirling dervish

Karate kid shower curtain costume

Michael medler

Steven pine

I wouldn't want to be Confucius' son

The son of Sun Tzu

Chris smith

I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral. Can't understand what I mean? It's been 20 years since this song came out, I don't think it's going to happen.

Force feeding dentures

The maid stole my towels

Moths are inside bats

You wanna buy a gun go to a handball court

Please don't trespass against me. I don't want to have to forgive you.

Have you ever licked the ground. It doesn't taste very good, it's true in every country.

Magician drug gang

You ever sleep wrong?

I like to skip but I don't like to do it in public because the general consensus on skipping is that it's gay. I think it's actually the other kind of gay but people got confused.

Gay is taking over light hearted happy things

Cooler weapons than guns

I don't like the ground

Money has different value to old people

The next major human evolutionary cleave will be technology based.

All Samsung users die. Everyone who doesn't use T-Mobile dies. Everyone with a cell phone in their pocket dies

I was thinking about inventing time travel today, but I think I'll put it off till tomorrow. No hurry.

Candy

Crowd work where you mishear everything

I used to be disheveled, now you m in the process of shevelding

Sentanced to bad grammar for life

Hummus in broth

Meat as a garnish

The sun is 1000 light seconds away

The sun is three light hours away

Stretching to make space for strength