Go on stage and describe untasty food, call it "polish ___"

Hot dog rolled in pop rocks, polish pasty

Harder than a Chinese crossword

Insurance companies should have their own police for prevention

Who are old superheroes

Is there a fancy way to cook hot dogs?

Aluminum foil wallpaper

You ever quit something before you start?  Somehow it still feels good.
Maybe I'll be a doctor. It looks hard. Maybe not.

Sunset blue

I need to restrain my zealousy

Has anyone ever cared when something sponsors something?  Oh, this game is sponsored by Bud Light? I guess I won't watch the Stanley Cup, NBA on TNT is sponsored by Verizon.

No one ever asks their friend if they show up late, "Hey so who sponsored this game?"

Soap has it's own kind of opera.
How big of an industry is soap?
I think soap should come out with their own type of

Johnson and Johnson is buying Netflix.

Can't we have robot glasses by now?

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

I like having problems with easy solutions.  I like being tired. You don't need to go to a doctor to find a solution for that one.
When you're not tired you can't enjoy sleep
I like being hungry because there's so many good solutions.
When you are not hungry you don't get to enjoy eat
Hunger is the greatest seasoning

How come Howard dean was taken out in one meme but trump is somehow using them to make himself stronger

Play with the power of a secret

Rocc box

Bland statements whose opposite is also true.
"having a good day is better than having a bad day"

Penis flavored ice cream. For girls.

Setting very specific world records

Buying garbage bags just to throw them away

Man needs a maid music video

Value village date: buy an outfit that your partner has to wear for the rest of the day.

Tasting the grapes sourness with every blink that closed but did not reveal

Why do people make fun of prince for changing his name to a symbol. It's not like his name was really "prince" in the first place

Domini marketing for Republicans, "How To get a six-pack from behind your desk"

Have you ever been in one of those cars where the breaks and gas pedals are switched?
It's amazing how long it takes to get used to that. But not as difficult as driving on the other side of the road. I'm going to the UK in a few weeks so I thought I'd get some practice.

If you shot a gun in an old folks home, more people would die from shock hearing gunfire than would die by bullets.

Are there any fruits that you pickle

I enjoy teasing people who take life seriously

Frontal lobotomy are fully funded under the new Healthcare system. Doctors have been pushing it so they can make more money.

Blood red wall paint

Did you know that otter pops aren't made with real otters

You smell like burnt popcorn, are you having a heart attack?

I would not want to be an insurance agent in Metropolis.

Makes Eva Braun look like Joan of Arc

Last time he ran a committee they wanted  an arabian thoroughbred he he gave them a Bactrian

Surprisingly, much more valuable, it's on the endangered list.

Why is 10 the "round" number?  Why not 8? Now that's a round number!

I decided to start smoking recently. I don't like it very much but I heard it's good for you and I'm kind of a health nut. People tell me that once I start, I'll never want to go back.

Have you ever thought. I wish my ears had aux input, so I wouldn't feel so stupid when I try to put in my headphones backwards

A nation of people who all had their hands cut off

I just want a girlfriend so I can walk down the street and stare at my phone the whole time. I just got to hold her hand and she can be the eyes for both of us.

Ice cream cones are for children. If you go to the ice cream store and order in a bowl you are not a child. A child should have a dripping ice cream cone in one hand and a balloon in the other. Alternately a giant lollipop and one of those paddle games with the red ball on the string.
The cone is no a very stable shape to be carrying something.
You'd never drop your ice cream on the ground if you were eating it in a bowl.

While you are talking to someone do you ever think, I hope this person isn't a mind reader.

Did you hear, Worthers is coming out with a new Candy. "Worthers Even More Original"

Ice cream cone  is my new standard measure distance

Give homeless people boom boxes with only your favorite songs loaded on.

In asian insant noodle world. What flavor does orange represent?
Chicken

When are Mike and Ikes going to get in the bag candy game?

I feel bad for the "Worthers Original" brand. Not a lot of room for innovation. You can't really come up with a new spin, you can't do cherry worthers originals.

Needs work. Not sure if its worth it