I feel bad for the "Worthers Original" brand. Not a lot of room for innovation. You can't really come up with a new spin, you can't do cherry worthers originals.

Needs work. Not sure if its worth it

I think I like bugles so much it's messing with the microeconomy of my local grocery store

Ask Mike if he would do a speaking tour for cross cut laminate.

koyaanisqatsi
Watching scotty grow
Uta hagen
Clarence Thomas Long Dong Silver
Patches
gil jankowitz
Sargasso sea
Marshall holman, johnny petraglia, carmen salvino
Andrea true, more more more
Red Adair

Have you ever talked with a homeless person for so long that they "have to go somewhere" and walk away.

I have a restraining order out on Nicole Kidman.

I don't make enough money to be gangster.
Dreadlock weed, girl overzealous on skateboard then embarrassed. my dad doesn't believe in chiropractor degrees should, Russian chic with Mary tattoo. You're going the wrong way.

Face in the crowd, homeless chick talking at the same time. (singing song.) Your favorite songs are the ones you sing to yourself. (except "I'm never lonesome")
Can't party by yourself.  You can't remember everything, at least bot all at once. Madeline cookies. I'm from Northern California so I didn't become a movie star but I got over it, I became a mother for my kids and I did a good job. The opposite of a stranger is a parent. Somehow you care more about you children than you do about yourself. Calling your kids and parents is important, even if you don't have a phone. Someone stealing your purse takes more away than they get. Losing a purse hits in two waves. One first hit and then a lingering wave follows. Brushing teeth, backpack. Offical visitor, thought I was a gangster, I don't make enough money to be a gangster.

Is that your grandfather, is that Martina Davis.

You gotta miss something

Asian girl comes up and trying to hook up. Not very subtle at first and then straight up asking for it. I try to deflect with abstract conversation. What are you up to?  Writing about a conversation but I can't remember the part the began with a song. Its comfortable to have a communal experience, like listening to a song that brings you all to a similar time in your life. What do you do? Would you like to hang out. I don't want to lead you on.

They're playing douggie

Christmas in July

I want to see her again and ask her what song she was saying that day.

I think the term "slut" is a judgment on quality more than quantity.

Kaboodle

My hobby is welding bikes to bike races.

Are there cold torches that make stuff cold?

Pawn shops should also sell crack

NASCAR right hand turns

The National anthem of Trinidad and Tobago should be "Hot Hot Hot"

Used pencil to the end vs used toilet paper

How come cheap cars don't look cool

What's the worst present youve ever given

If you want to know a secret you have to make a secret. If you heard it second hand, it's no longer a secret.

I wish I was walking up a stairway to heaven right behind you.

Everything before ", but" is a lie

Its like doing mushrooms at Joshua tree and you realize that you are living a cliche but it's true, it really is a, beautiful day.

The beginning is the most important. The beginning is the best part, more fun because more to learn and faster learning rate.

Song writer and "'Good' King Wenslas" (patrick's n Saint of chek Republic) going back and forth writing a song to help him establish his name as "good"

Play d+d as "the fool".  High charisma and luck.

Weed flavored vape

The icing isn't the best part. In fact, a cake is poorly designed.

I wanna hear Jason Statham say "geranium"

Girls have to schedule around clothes

On stage, eyes closed

There's almost no chair that wouldn't be a little bit better if you added a pillow.

Favorite word is overzealous

Makes bjorn borg look like magnus Magnuson

Black and white movies aren't as memorable because they don't have color.

When was the last time someone used a wrecking ball

It would be cool to be a music agent for retired artists who aren't producing music anymore. Buy and bundle rights, get to meet cool old musicians.

My friend lost his cat and I suggested that she put up a lost cat sign with a picture of her cat. She said "I didn't know you could take pictures of a cat"

Wouldn't it be fine if I could just rhyme every line in a jokes sentence?
It would be devine, if I could only find
A way to convey a funny premise
And yes I know that I just rhymed the word premise with premise.
I've quickly run out of steam on the entire premise
And really I could say anything and it would technically rhyme as long as I end the phrase with the word premise...

They should call red delicious apples red not delicious, it's not a very good apple... Premise

When Charles Darwin realized that we evolved from making monkey I bet he was like "I wished I invented the Frisbee."-Karl Pilkington

Didn't you play the sidekick "Dunstin Checks In"

Is it legal to drive if you are bleeding profusely?

Having arms is like having two tails. If I lost my arms I would fall over a lot.

I only buy whole milk. If you want a drink  that's low fat, don't drink milk.

Sean and hayes for weekend update chairs

Story about a boy who stares at the sun and is blind with only in the center. A circle at what would normally be the focal point. It develops this character as one who sees everything at once, able to see without focus or direction.

when you look straight up, on a clear day how high do you see?

If you look out to the sky during a sunset, where is the top? Is it at the horizon. So why don't we feel like the top of the sky is directly above us, like every other time we've prepositioned. Why does the sky feel higher up 'over there' than it does overhead.

If you ask people which direction is the top of the sky.

Shahareizade would be a great Dungeon Master.

Ralph cramden  "strain"

Things that are ugly to look at aren't nearly as bad as things that smell repulsive

My grandmother made me a Cheesecake for my birthday. I said grandma, this Cheesecake tastes different than most Cheesecakes I've had. She said, well I put a special ingredient in it just for you. And I was like, what is it. And she said love. I like Cheesecakes better when they were made without care or individual attention. Like a Cheesecake extruded onto a conveyer belt. Do you know where I could get a Cheesecake from a place like that. Like a Cheesecake factory of sorts.

Have you ever been tricked by a blindfold?