Chocolate MLK

I woke up this morning and I thought it was Milk day. So I was like, that's an easy day to celebrate. So I poured myself a glass of milk. Then I looked at my phone and saw it was MLK day, so I made it chocolate milk.

I'm so white im not even allowed to hear the n-word

Is flagellation masochistic

Bsidez Radio

Abusive dad uses tile to find belt.
Abusive dad yells at Google home instead of  wife.

imaine how many fish are anorexic

Ran a marathon but never did a pushup

guy with a crazy name is unable to pass concussion protocol. adopted guy can't pass concussion protocol recent immigrant from war torn country can't pass concussion protocol can't pass concussion protocol inauguration day

Crossing your fingers for the DSM 6

named my dog james after me

i'm going to name all my kids george foreman

So many sports are "keep away"

Great escape meets underground railroad

Do people wash under their fingernails every time they wash their hands?

I saw a sign on a door that said "Push Or Pull". Thanks for the heads up.

A tv channel that is all sad.
Interviews with kids with cancer

The next superfruit is called Orenthal

what ages would you want to be when attending the dupont 50 year annual meeting?
8, 58?
19, 69? Yes.

Louis ck turns down Harvard law

Charles groden amazing race

First person side scroller

Stat is short statim which is latin for immediately. That's how fast a doctor needs a scalpel, immediately isn't quick enough.

Learn to play its a mans world on piano.

Lonely island parody called archipelago

I asked Google home to blow me. It said "I'm sorry I can't help with that yet."
Yet?

what does lgbtqi stand for?

Eliminated=lemonaded

Who named Bengay?

How long is the time between when you think "something bad happened to my tooth" and actually calling a dentist.

If you found $100,000 what would you do with it?
Give it to my grandma.

Masturbate in the shower because its the only place warm enough.

Two different guys in Bellingham drinking mimosas in a sports bar

Reasons you would eat fries for breakfast. Woke up too late for McDonald's breakfast but didn't realize till in drive through,  pregnant, Canadian

As a punt returner,  if its an obvious fair catch take two steps back and it might hit the back of a defender

Why at the VFW is there an emphasis on foreign.  Is it not for civil war veterans?

David koechner as the ambler in the rhald dahl lighter short story

Moonriver in 5/4

Costume gimick screams lack of self confidence.

Texture nodes on phone screens for use without looking and quicker accuracy.

I don't make the rules i just enforce them. Saturday James makes the rules and you know what today is? Thursday. So, if you  would like a rule change you will have to petition Saturday James for that decision.

What is Christmas and how do I marry it?

"Merry Everything! " card vs.
"Marry Everything! " card

Were the hottest girls in highschool ever  the cheerleaders in real life?

you (...) as beautiful as you look you sing as beautiful as you look you shoot as beautiful as you look

Do you think bill Clinton behind closed doors ever said "grab them by the pussy"

Ask Bill Clinton and Tiger woods,  "what points in your life when quality of pussy being thrown at you went up by the most."

How Boeing sees Trump. "It's a difficult responsibility That you accept from the number-one lawmaker, me Have it known throughout the land from sea to sea There'll be no more toymakers to the King!"

New Jim Crow:
Cant vote and wear Jordan's
Have to...
Etc

Do you think when Trump gets inaugurated he will change his twitter handle to PresidentDonaldTrump?

My employment application asked if I was a runaway.

I like to play games with ironic bravado. It doesn't work as well if you win.