Jah Man

I believe in one Jah, the father and the almighty, creator of heaven and earth.

Whenever someone sneezes I will say "Ja bless you" and when they say "What?" I say "Jah! You know "Jah" like Jah is good Jah is great, let us thank Jah for this food?"

Usually you are not surprised that it is the last day of school.

Boggart

identify indecision and inaction in your life. use it to discover your fear that is holding you back. once a fear is uncovered it loses its power, similar to that harry potter creature

Sham is not a great name for a product with supposed magical quality.

The focal refocusing when looking at an embering bowl is a trigger

What are comics most afraid of. What would be emersion therapy exercises for those fears

the funniest thing about sex is that everybody does it but you never get to see it

not paranoid car

not paranoid car Three stoners in a car Jacob Straight edge Cheech/Chong Outside shot of tie dye van blasting music in the back of a parking lot smoke billows out the window inside the car, a conversation about weed then a light through a window sparks a paranoid conversation, they bush it off to paranoia, "yeah this weed makes me paranoid sometimes" "yeah I did a bunch of acid when i was 17 so I see lights sometimes" outside shot of a property manager in a pantsuit calling the cops with a tone of disgust like a 16 year old girl who's only chore for her allowance is to take out the trash inside, conversation returns to weed but returns to paranoia when cop lights flash brush off with explanation of light ball, "but it seems more red and blue, did the green and yellow bulbs die out outside shot of additional cop cars pulling in, dogs tugging on leashes and barking outside inside van, do you hear those dogs barking? "Your feet been killing you to? takes off shoes, my dogs have been barking since I took that molly on Thursday and danced in flip flops for 6 hours." No but seriously I hear dogs. did someone let their dogs out? "guy changes the music to Who let the dogs out" Outside the cops are closing in when rambo drives up with a propped up machine gun in the back of a flatbed truck, mowing down police officers inside, turn on some different music, like some... bullet whizzes by, "what was that"

some of the smartest people I know are beautiful

bury me in my gi

Not While Driving

Listening to Chess on the radio

What types of mental exercises would be worst to do while driving? What would be the least disruptive?

10 best podcasts Cash with TJ... No ticket Todd Glass with ANthony Jezelnik and Jonah Ray Pod F Tompkast Episode potter WTF Bob Zamuda Hollywood Handbook Sinbad Ricky Gervais, Diary

Animated farside. In 5-10 second clips.

Has any Scandinavian from Minnesota ever been offended that the name of their NFL team is "The Vikings"

Comedy sketch where Bob from sesame Street gets fired by a brash studio executive.

sci fi short story collection about different universe pluralities that All tell the story like groundhog day but with the sci fi change subtly introduced and brought to light, focused because of its deviation from the archetypal story (our universe). The slow revel of what the difference in universes is the point of the stories. The practical pragmatic differences in life with scientific advances. The arch story will cover the most common experiences and be somewhat droll in a pleasantville type of way. story varients -teleportation -mind reading -cloning

Tinder with your therapist

In 50 years you might as well call Trump Millard Fillmore

From the back, a dog looks like a tall guy with his head out the sunroof

John Williamson movie reviews

If you knew that you would choose wrong, which decision would make you more happy.

Black "the sting"

How big do I want my fishbowl to be?

Trump Flair

Donald Trump impression, Rick Flair speech

Childish Reviews

Kids say the darnedest things meets movie reviews.
Offer in exchange for free "fun tutoring"
Vocabulary, vocab words of the day. Different kids making different sentences
History
Current events
Philosophy
Expository writing
Story telling
Oral directions
Logic puzzles

Lead by asking kids what their favorite things are and have them tell you. Pepper in questions to guide.

Practice setting up interview stage. Practice interview with mom. Then Matthews and Patrick. Make Craigslist add.

Ogre in the Living Room

How long does it take to codify an intimate relationship? 6 month s is typical but how many hours? What about a codifying moment. In Harry Potter when Harry and Ron saved Hermione from the ogre it became the reason for their friendship.
I believe that the ogre is a metaphor for rape.

Tpyo

Purposely typos can draw extra attention to important details.

Allergic to eyedrops

Torn jeans

Kids are unconcerned about the durability of their clothing. Adults are overly concerned.

Black Eye

Sunglass monocle.

Just like Heaven

What would you think if you saw Hitler in heaven.

Controlled Fixation

Joy stick: A stick from which joy is derived. a.video game controller b. cigarette c. dick

Ugh zactly?

Ugh zactly

Garden State Isle

I think I might be the only person who has ever checked out of the grocery store with only    Nutella, salsa, pear flavored jelly beans and chicken hearts.

How many purchase combo's are possible and how many have occurred

Garden State Isle

I think I might be the only person who has ever checked out of the grocery store with only    Nutella, salsa, pear flavored jelly beans and chicken hearts.

How many purchase combo's are possible and how many have occurred

Like doing a three point turn on the Titanic

3 in 1

Banana juice 1. Juice made of banana's 2. Juice to put on a banana 3. Semen

Greater than

There's more numbers than...
Fingers on your hand chairs in the room people at my school

Business Camping Trip

Find a house with really high weekend rental potential then live in it on weekdays and go camp on weekends.

Soulja boy was ahead of his time.

I'm the best rapper in "name a place"

How come when people say they are going to do a Jack Nicholson impression instead they do a terrible Ed McManus impression.

I glide like the ghost of Clyde

Homeless voting booth filibuster

Most underrated standup. Sinbad

masks for swimming so you can breath without getting water splashed in your mouth

I had a blind date and she told me to meet her at the hospital...

The Awakenings

awakening to your child's potential: the storys of parents and the moments they start to realize that thier child has mental dissabilities and how different parents deal with that impending realization