Petition for obama as nba commish.
Pay, fun, boss of billionairs, fun, people want it, help black communities.

Funniest "smart movie"?

Jackass=funniest all time

What is terrible for the world is great for satire

Do you think more about heaven or hell

People are able to drudge throigh the bible because it satisfies the viceral need to go to heaven if you read it and hell if you dont.
The bible induces lethergy when the reader does not want to believe in god

How man people here have read the bible? That shits hard am I right. And I think my problem is, that I dont believe in heaven or hell. But I imagine if I did it would be the greatest book of all time. If someone came up to you and said, "if you read this book you will go to heaven and if you dont youll go to hell." I think id really like that book. Especially if it was the only book you had access to and it so popular  that it was pretty much all that anyone was talking about. I think id read that book. Even if i didnt know how to read Id read that book. Id just start flipping the pages, hoping that if counts, wondering what the symbols mean and what knowledge the could unlock. So I guess what Im saying is, the bible could be the most popular book of all time and be the most boring book of all time

In latin there are many more compound words than english, even more so in Chinese

Award shows are portentios and lugubrious.

Salutations to the Misses see you later adios arrivederci Aloha and get the f*** out and you don't have to go home but you cant stay here

Is there a written form of english that can express cadance or tonality?

Spirit of st louis obisbo

How come, when I want to find out "Is the guy is in the movie I'm watching was also the guy from that Brad Pitt movie?" it could take me 5-10 minutes, but if I want to find that porno where a girl with a butterfly tattoo on her wrist sucks a dick on a red couch I can find it in three clicks?

History should be taught from the end back, rather than from the beginning foreward. The starting point of a new field of knowledge should attach itself to a context of what is already known. Also, when a consequence is known it is simple to uncover its cause, not as easy in reverse or our plans would never lead to mistakes and our hindsight would not be 20-20.

when thinking "im doing something wrong" gets associated with sex, Kinky consequences.

I'm starting a rumour, that I was the guy in the ponytail on that fleetwood mac album

It's not a very good joke but at least not very many people even understood it

Ralph waldo Emerson said that with the exception of educational purpose, travel is a fools paradise. If you are traveling to escape, you can not escape yourself. What do you look forward too, the landing or the takeoff?

don delillo "sine cosine tangent"

She said something about the boring state of Wednesdays throughout the world. A little ash, at minimum expense, and a Wednesday, here and there, she said, becomes something to remember. a secondhand paperback crammed with huge and violent emotions in small, crowded type Did I want to be curious, amused, indifferent, superior? I used to watch her guide the device over the back of her cloth coat. I tried to define the word “roller” without sneaking a look in the dictionary. I decided to wait a while before asking, thinking of her as one spelling one day, the other spelling the next day, and trying to determine whether it made a difference in the way I thought of her, looked at her, talked to her, and touched her. I practiced at home, walking haltingly room to room, tried not to revert to normal stride after I rose from a chair or got out of bed. It was a limp set between quotation marks, and I wasn’t sure whether it was intended to make me visible to others or just to myself. This was the unseeable texture of a life, except that I was seeing it.

Stephen Stills looks like Bob Odenkirk

Oh eM Gee golly dosh darn

Communist catch 22

How would society be different if becoming a doctor was easy but to become a garbage man took years of study

Red hammer

No one wants to admit that they are biased. No one thinks their opinions are wrong.

Domineering mothers buy their young kids jackets with hoods so there is more scuff of neck to grab and direct.

I would rather be interesting than honest

Door to door investment sales. Market like lottery tickets. Make comparisons to early investors in Microsoft and Amazon. Act now for a higher percentage which goes down with every new investor

In defense of man-spreading.

Brian Wilson is not dead he's just went back to bed and when people look for him he hides under the covers

The reason you don't see fat old people has very to do with the death rates of morbid obesity but rather are telling of the deterioration of old age. Have you ever seen noticed how there are no tall old people. I believe it is better to store up while you're young.

I support the troops. I support all the troops. I support all the troops from every country.

Thomas Jefferson will only fight in the octagon

braunschwager

I got Lebron swagger (le braunschwager)

old people unable to hear their loud voice leading to embarrassment of people around them

My office is a hall of mirrors

Am I racist?

My favorite basketball player in John Stockton, my favorite rapper is Eminem and my favorite comic from "In Living Color" was Jim Carrey. Am I racist?

ask jlo and linda rondstat about jim carrey

a rich guy has a bad day

The worst part about going to a football as a kid is that you were eye level with a crowd of a million guys asses

I forgive Cosby. WWJD?

character: a confidant magician who's trick is obvious video editing

A mirror for touch

Scheherazade weaves a character arc like a sign wave

"I only like metal and the beach boys"- some random girl I met once

Podcast that is only commercials

Restaurant Puns

Jamaican me thirsty
Frank n stein

Eskimos should have a million ways to cook blubber (muktuk) just like how they have 100 words for snow, but most of them just eat it frozen

coughing break during piano recitals

All i do is Nguyen

In the future paper is banned and all writing must be electronic so the government can access it

Jack Black as Keith Stone