Kill my girlfriend

I can sympathize with serial killers cause I have to break up with my girlfriend, and would it just be easier. Wouldn't that be bett? If instead of braking up, the other person just disappeared?  then there's no regrets that you should have gotten back together,  no worry of running into her or her friends at the grocery story cause you don't have to cook you own meals anymore (positive sensationalism of prison)

Aquarium Fish

Aquarium fish are the dumbest fish. They are like feral children but like what a feral person is to a normal person, they are to normal, already dumb fish.

When candidates have to campaign they turn themselves into advertisement and a product. Then as a consumer we are buying coke or pepsi, 90 percent of the value is in the advertising and the product difference is negligible

What is the ham in Hammond haha this rift in short shrift the cell in one fell swoop and now I think you get the gist

We should teach people to avoid tones rather than outlaw bad words

Is frankens next goal to host daytime tv ala springer or go wrestling like ventura

People should move to where they are accepted.  Moving is easy, states rights to be differebt should be more extremely exercised in both directions

You can't take a fuck you can only give one or not

Mad Locals

Go to place and say there was recent news that local folks hero was ( gay etc...) to get them mad at you.

A book about the world that progresses to brave new world. That is our world tomorrow and yesterday.

Go to place and say there was recent news that local folks hero was ( gay etc...)

empty set full

when the universe began the empty set was full now the empty set is as large, possibly larger, than infinity just as there are different dimensions of infinite (amount of numbers between 1 and 0 is infinite. but also .3333 *3 =1) the empty set contains everything that isn't it is "not a duck" and it is "not a pillow" but before those qualities existed in the real world they din't exist within the empty set there are two ways i can imagine the pairing of these universes 1: the empty set is universe of infinite possibles and our universe is like a worm tunnel through and destroying and eating what isn't and turning it into what is 2: the possible and impossible universes exist within a constantly fluctuating equilibrium where they ebb and flow as the universe expands and then eventually contract as the empty set begins to refill the answer might depend on the 2nd law of thermodynamics and how it applies to the a closed system in possibility 2 the empty set is an open system able to freely exchange with the possible world in possibility 1 the empty set is a semi permeable system only allowing exit and no entry imagine god as existing within a 4th dimensional universe as we live in a 3d we experience time as linear, we can only go forward along a single path (on a macroscopic scale only forward but evidenced on atomic scale time is equal in both directions, thus where we begin to see complications with the second law of thermo) if god were to exist within a plane of time compared to our plane of time, our universe could be to him what our universe is to itself frozen in time. he has affected us in the same way we have affected a snapshot of our universe without time. free will only exists when irrespective of physicality.

Before death

introduction to anyone "im glad to have met with you before you died"

part homeschool

half days of the week homeschool

jump

you go to save someone who is about to jump of a bridge, but you find they were a child molester and couldnt change

dont know

you have to be creative when you don't know, if there is only one right answer, that answer becomes boring. This explains a lot of my conversation style.

When I see Twitter and popular hashtags I think, wow a million people all having thd same thought... we are so stupod. Have an original thought. I bet there's a lot of people out there who never had a single thought that no one else had before

No retweet

Twitter, but each tweet could only be used once

Cool whip

They say I'm smart as a quip... but in longer pieces I tend to dull

Edgar Allen poe type short story where a man is in a prison with sheer stonewall from the side the g ate is on the ceiling but the floor is dirt and you can dig. so he digs he continues to dig piling up the dirt on one side digging deeper on the other and tell the slope wont stand but he keeps taking willing to die in pursuit of freedom

howard stern party

when you go to a party, wait for someone to come up to you and then stick to that person. only as last measure divert to other.

Empty set

I know something bigger than infinity. The empty set. Emptiness exists in more places than things do. 0 exists in all dimensions is an empty set closed . only added to, only subtracted from? is the empty set getting smaller is an empty set an isolated system without being a closed set "at the beginning of time, the empty set was full" does the empty set violate the 2nd law of thermo?

Changing impact

people who made money aint in the history books, its people who changed things.

#1 Brain Drain

#1 most ignorant thing in the world. Every american teacher designs their own curriculum. Biggest impact to collective intelligence

focus

what has more layers than the ocean? our ability to perceive

Tversky intelligence test

Sci fi story where going into the matrix is an option like donating plasma and becomes increasingly enticing like the opium den in incepton

Jeff Goldblum's watch

Insult: hey Jeff Goldblum get a watch! Then at least you'll know what time it is

Homophobia in males based on rape fear

Jb#2

Jack black captain underpants
Actually make it kyle

Fart man

How big can a character be who all his punchlines are farts.
captain underpants or Southpark?

man scent

hardware store cologne

Universal perspective

When people ask if I care about the environment I don't think that they are realizing their selfish perspective of "the environment". When they say mother earth is bleeding they really mean that it is becoming less favorable for the current people living here. There is no subjective better or worse environment when your perspective is no longer limited to a single species. A change that might be bad for humans might be more optimal fro some other species. Or vice versa. All environments are + from the perspective of the universe.

KKK Schizo

A story about infiltrating KKK and finding they are all litearal schizo that need help

Future Alcoholics

A short story about the future of alcohol in society when we have cars that drive themselves

Gun talk

nobody wanna talk its too easy to get a gun out here

Life value

why do people only say "how much is a life worth" rhetorically?

Kevin Nealon

When Kevin Nealon was on the Merve Griffin Show, which answers were canned?

Not heaven

What do people want to hang out with jesus up in heaven for? Is he like really good flag football player or something? Jesus always gets goes first when you play. Doesn't that mean that Jesus might not be on my team?. That's not heaven! Jesus throwin allyoops. getting dunked on by members of your family, even your dog up in heaven. playin like air bud. That's low man, your own dog. Tough to gaurd too. You're runnin around tryna box out meanwhile Jesus being that pass first point gaurd you knew he would be lob city to your grandma who's sticking her tongue out like MJ. That's not heaven! And thats why im no longer a Christain. But seriously.

New "Hip"

did you just get a "hip" replacement

Sweet Mt Range

Sugar vs rock candy mts

im hittin homers like the winds low

portrait self

Portraits looking down from the self perspective

Chocolate treat

Evocative and deep
like a chocolate I'm a treat

more than

more panache than Cyrano de Bergerac more shoes than a philippine first lady

Scifi seriese

Scifi series that's around man creating  invention like time travel and using it to get ladies ala groundhogday or somefing.

Peaness

the essence of peas- peaness

Asian tourists excessive camera use is cover for spys

Nose no

Q:Could you Gogol that for me? A: Got your nose!