jump

you go to save someone who is about to jump of a bridge, but you find they were a child molester and couldnt change

dont know

you have to be creative when you don't know, if there is only one right answer, that answer becomes boring. This explains a lot of my conversation style.

When I see Twitter and popular hashtags I think, wow a million people all having thd same thought... we are so stupod. Have an original thought. I bet there's a lot of people out there who never had a single thought that no one else had before

No retweet

Twitter, but each tweet could only be used once

Cool whip

They say I'm smart as a quip... but in longer pieces I tend to dull

Edgar Allen poe type short story where a man is in a prison with sheer stonewall from the side the g ate is on the ceiling but the floor is dirt and you can dig. so he digs he continues to dig piling up the dirt on one side digging deeper on the other and tell the slope wont stand but he keeps taking willing to die in pursuit of freedom

howard stern party

when you go to a party, wait for someone to come up to you and then stick to that person. only as last measure divert to other.

Empty set

I know something bigger than infinity. The empty set. Emptiness exists in more places than things do. 0 exists in all dimensions is an empty set closed . only added to, only subtracted from? is the empty set getting smaller is an empty set an isolated system without being a closed set "at the beginning of time, the empty set was full" does the empty set violate the 2nd law of thermo?

Changing impact

people who made money aint in the history books, its people who changed things.

#1 Brain Drain

#1 most ignorant thing in the world. Every american teacher designs their own curriculum. Biggest impact to collective intelligence

focus

what has more layers than the ocean? our ability to perceive

Tversky intelligence test

Sci fi story where going into the matrix is an option like donating plasma and becomes increasingly enticing like the opium den in incepton

Jeff Goldblum's watch

Insult: hey Jeff Goldblum get a watch! Then at least you'll know what time it is

Homophobia in males based on rape fear

Jb#2

Jack black captain underpants
Actually make it kyle

Fart man

How big can a character be who all his punchlines are farts.
captain underpants or Southpark?

man scent

hardware store cologne

Universal perspective

When people ask if I care about the environment I don't think that they are realizing their selfish perspective of "the environment". When they say mother earth is bleeding they really mean that it is becoming less favorable for the current people living here. There is no subjective better or worse environment when your perspective is no longer limited to a single species. A change that might be bad for humans might be more optimal fro some other species. Or vice versa. All environments are + from the perspective of the universe.

KKK Schizo

A story about infiltrating KKK and finding they are all litearal schizo that need help

Future Alcoholics

A short story about the future of alcohol in society when we have cars that drive themselves

Gun talk

nobody wanna talk its too easy to get a gun out here

Life value

why do people only say "how much is a life worth" rhetorically?

Kevin Nealon

When Kevin Nealon was on the Merve Griffin Show, which answers were canned?

Not heaven

What do people want to hang out with jesus up in heaven for? Is he like really good flag football player or something? Jesus always gets goes first when you play. Doesn't that mean that Jesus might not be on my team?. That's not heaven! Jesus throwin allyoops. getting dunked on by members of your family, even your dog up in heaven. playin like air bud. That's low man, your own dog. Tough to gaurd too. You're runnin around tryna box out meanwhile Jesus being that pass first point gaurd you knew he would be lob city to your grandma who's sticking her tongue out like MJ. That's not heaven! And thats why im no longer a Christain. But seriously.

New "Hip"

did you just get a "hip" replacement

Sweet Mt Range

Sugar vs rock candy mts

im hittin homers like the winds low

portrait self

Portraits looking down from the self perspective

Chocolate treat

Evocative and deep
like a chocolate I'm a treat

more than

more panache than Cyrano de Bergerac more shoes than a philippine first lady

Scifi seriese

Scifi series that's around man creating  invention like time travel and using it to get ladies ala groundhogday or somefing.

Peaness

the essence of peas- peaness

Asian tourists excessive camera use is cover for spys

Nose no

Q:Could you Gogol that for me? A: Got your nose!

Dostoevsky "The Idiot"

I'm having difficulty quoting my favorite novel without making the author look like an idiot. "Beauty will save the world'-Dostoevsky "The Idiot"

Air and life are potent hallucinations and death is the true awakening.

How does current life play as investment for future life? Maybe 2nd life new things can not enter the senses, your brain cannot create new but is frozen?

the meaning of life is childhood?

rube goldberg curse

rube goldberg cursed my mind, i choose a topic and watch my mind fall through topics like dominoes.

Limo

Obtain limo and limo drivers license wear disguise and pick up talk show guests talk with them and mine for convo to replay during show

Don't uses beings as adjectives.  Retarded, gay, etc

We should teach people to avoid tones rather than outlaw bad words

Look up website on google to avoid accidental porn. Quit advertising with the spelt out website give us the google wearch

soundtrackkks

with music these days i have a playlist for everything. Does anyone here have a playlist for porn? (set up for funny examples) 80's porn is rediculous enough witout yakkity sax over it

Clint Eastwood

Describe famous western characters in rap

Unless you know that it is JOe Liberman

more boring than an al gore running mate

dude

i am like the modern incarnate of bob dylan ya know, cause he was just, like a rolling stone and im just like rolling, and Im stoned.

Political campaigns do not need to exist

A pen out of Ink

What is the feeling when you finish a bar of soap, or run out of in in a pen. Why don't you feel it when you the roll of toilet paper has only 1 square? A woodsman feels it when he sharpens his axe, dull from a day full of splitting. A job completed. Is its opposite why it feels good to be prepared? If overdone are you cheating the system by rewarding yourself for something you haven't earned? Is it the opposite of OCD? The cure for OCD?