They have the markings of so many different tattoos that they called each other the Marx Brothers and I wasn't tempted to find out which one was
Groucho

Agreeing is a useless act if you are not in a position of power. It accomplishes nothing

Will Arnett as cris collinsworth

budd dwyer/Christine Chubbuck

why have there not been more budd dwyer/Christine Chubbuck moments? Abraham ben abraham

look it up in your ipads

a dennis miller comedian who, when the audience doesn't get an obscure reference says in a condesending tone, "look it up in your ipads"

A Different Snowflake

What is that (pointing at non snowflake.. Its a snowflake. No its not. Yes it is, Every snowflake is different. Some are just made out of wood have four legs and a flat top to sit on

Contemptible Congress

I've seen people lie in congress giving speeches. Why are they so rarely held in contempt?

Positive Punishment in Congress

In order to speak in congress, you first must incur a mild electric shock.

Hobbit Gwen

Sorry im not home right now, walking into spiderwebs gwen stefani lord of the rings crossover

Curiosity/laughter

what reaction do I want? NOT LAUGHTER BUT CURIOSITY Curiosity leads to learning which is the true root of laughter

Suicidal Vengance

it is not vengeance to murder a man who wants to commit suicide

When's Obama gonna get his dick sucked?

Tony clifton jr

Did robin Williams get the doubtfire part from the Kaufman joke?

Unexpected discovery

wilderness adventure reality show type program, suddenly switches when they happen traces of a untouched society and discovers Andy Kaufman. possible repeat of other wilderness type reality show happening upon other improbables

Butt welding

Did you learn how to streach a joke from the back of a limousine?

Cast of crew all demonstrating work out machines with black handles

Roast of ice cube, "ice cubes a baller, he can play any sport, I saw him last week play hocky, fucked around got a triple double, two points two instigating and two for makin foos check themself
That's a black hocky joke, there's only like 2 of those, treasure it.

Invent rediculous scenarios where common aphorisms become incredibly poor advice

Random jury with celebrity in it sketch. End up having to decide important case

Cannibal differences

What's the difference between a famous s*** and a cannibal? The cannibal eats the c*** before it comes out its ass

A da bears type sketch but replace with stoners preaching to come the chior

Unending tangents, ya know?

Character, "you know, the one" preface for unending tangents.  Possible topics onclude friends episodes

Guy wants wedding at biggest church in area no exception.  Biggest church is in prison. Big toug guys play sentimental, make statements,  "love is so beautiful"

Serious Tang

Movie about a Conspiracy theory group that is really pulling "all of the strings" 911 planes with gas, jews control media cause they say

A serious Pootie Tang

He knows, the breeze blows

Smart streets

street puppet with subtle voiceover tricking people in first draft to say rediculous or stupid answers. Reveal strange ignorances. Tricks to make street people look smart instead of always dumb, ask them math and dub over with slightly more complex, it will trick people who think we told the answers because you can see thought taking place.
Do one at Microsoft and have everone seem almost impossibly smart. Do it at uw and discover a trend that the hottest/ditsy blond sorority is by far the smartest (bonus, meet sorority girls)

If you die from auto erotic asphyxiation.  When you're dead is your cock still hard,,, or do you come right after you die (like the...) or is it a secret, its the only way to reach rigamortis still erect. Its what the pharaohs did when thry died so they could bring their big dicks to heaven with them

BET The Voice

The Voice reapproriated for b.e.t. but white people cant say n word. Ceelo and blake have protoges and go back and forth. Only at the end does blake discover eminem.

Black plague

The black plague,, killed 32million people from sweeden to sicily..
It never successfully spread to africa... probably because they were already black

You were revolting before che Guevara was in diapers

You're the only guy I know who loses weight when he farts

A serious moment with 2 Chainz

A serious moment with (insert bobastic rapper exe 2chain, lil john) talk serious topic. Instead of between two ferndvit between 2 bitches shakin ass in our face the whole time. Extremely close to face, shoot in closeup with ass still in frame. Before answering a 3rd question, hold up on finger signaliing to wait a moment, then moterboat ass cheeks. After comercial switch ass to tits

When a child is born, so is a father

Im pro life, I make all my money through rape babies

Its not statuatory if she already has a kid, I'm pretty sure

Hows it feel to be the #1 option for a gay make a wish kid now that Michael died

Put my desktop on my lap

Why aren't there new vegetables? They crows fruits like pluots but I've never seen a crossed vegetable. That's because vegetables suck. Would you eat a "grotesque exemples with funny combo names"

Stealing chainsaw

What do you stiel (chainsaw)

Model trains

I heard last week you fucked a model... train. Choo choo

emasculating insults

If I went for a low blow my foot might get stuck in your fat cunt.
If I tried to kick yiu in the crotch...

Did you hear the guy who invented the segway died when it took him off a cliff?
That segue was Almost as bad as the one you just tried

Short bus

Short bus driver, back seat.

How short is the bus you took to school?
You could do a u turn in a drive through.

Lonewolf loanshark

we can go do what you like, I know you like that. Good line or not?

Poor Dale

Dale Earhart Jr had a tough childhood, most people know that his dad Dale died in a car crash but almost no one knows about how his mom Emelia flew into the ocean

Raped in a holocaust shower