Best self portrait
Durer
Van gough
DaVinci
Rembrandt

Wagner has the worst chinstrap beard ever

Good thing Jesus died on the cross instead of something else, he might have died for our foibles.

Which two historical figures would have interesting progeny?

I believe that application of art can be objective when compared in a exactly similar genre.

makes ingrid newkirk look like p.t. barnum

Vast Deference

Deference should never be described as "vast"

Billy mitchell should do twitch

It's amazing how much stuff is worth nothing

You know those floor mats thing for kids that has the the birds eye view of roads and buildings. Why was that so popular?

Why be a clown? The only reason you would want to do it is to make people happy, but people don't like clowns.
Clowns might be the least effective people at their jobs.

If they changed the order of the alphabet I don't think my life would change very much. It doesn't matter much to me if h comes before j or after w. The biggest problem would be having to relearn the new alphabet song, the old one wouldn't do me much good anymore.
And our current alphabet song would sound absurd.
Singing it to my grandkids.  ABC...
Grandfather why would such a song exist? Who would write such an absurd song and why do you know it so well.

To be an effective politician, find the most efficient middleman of each industry that intersects with your jurisdiction

Why would you catfish a homeless person?

One step past cankle, fetlock

Hang em high ending. I know that I am still nursing you back to health from their bullets but give up this vengeance thing already. I know it took me fifteen years but I got over it yesterday so now that I am on the other side of the fence I have no sympathy.

If you lived in old western days, a pinstripe suit meant that you were a bum

Why isn't there a sammish brewery? Every other landmark in this city has a brewery.

Get me a sammish!

You know my favorite thing about being the king?  Great customer service.

When people use the term squared in regular conversations they usually mean double.
When referring to two similar things people say "its like something squared"
1 squared is 1 and 2 squared is 4. Which one are you talking about.
If you are talking about one thing and calling it sqaured because 1 sqaured is one, I will listen and ask youva question why you did that and then laugh really hard when I realize how absurd you are.
You could be talking about the square root of 2.  But that would be just as abdurf as one.

I took a math test and for every answer I wrote 0 and at the bottom of the test I wrote, "Answers rounded to the nearest hundred thousand"
This joke does better in geometry class.

Worms quit running so hard there's nothing for you on the other side.

If the only book was the kama sutra instead of the Bible

A way to innocuously help prisoners snitch.

Sean and hayes sarcastic interview with big stars made from sound bites.

So Don Rickles died... Anyway...

Since he is no longer using the anyway transition I figure I might as well use it.

Play misty for me parody with an absurd song

Supercilious or super silly us?

Its about the journey not the destination unless you are flying

"Make the moon great again"

Most and least down to earth person at the same time.

Superman is more powerful than a locomotive. Thats not that strong. 150 hp?

Peggy holds the not world record.

Does anyone know anyone who ever had to use the oxygen mask on an airplane?

Do you know how I did that?
Magic!
-Briggs

The more bad ideas you have the closer you are to a good one. - Hap

Sorry about this one
What's the difference between a woman and a toilet. A toilet doesn't belong in the kitchen.

Kermit The Frog went to Ohio State

Speak friend and enter stamp tramp