Randy Johnson

I call my dick moby dick because my dick looks like Moby
I call my dick and balls Pinky and The Brain because my dick is pink and my balls are wrinkly

Last Wish

Ridiculous deathbed last requests
"Fix the kitchen cabinets"
"Change your name to Gerald" "only pee outside"

7's Up

I think the average 1-10 attractiveness scale is judged on a bell curve.

The telltale "fart"

Gentle Reminder

Your body needs to be reminded that you want to use it in certain ways

Miranda rights are there for cops to remind themselves criminals are allowed to remain silent

The s***** City Association

I want to be the most famous person with my name but that's tough with a name like James so I'm changing my name to shitty-shitty-fuckface. Because even if there were parents in history mean enough to name their child that, they would change their name as soon as they were legally allowed. Which means by default i will be the greatest shity shity fuckface who ever lived. I won't even need a last name like Aristotle or cher. Because i will be the de facto

Youthful Exuberance

Have you ever gone to a school playground to see if you can recapture some of your youthful enthusiasm for life and you just realize how much more exercise you used to need as a kid

First Name Basis

I work at a place where we wear name tags. It's weird when someone you've never met before call's you by your first namey

I should wear a name tag all the time so that it is easier for other people to approach me.

I feel like jet skis are for b****** just like horses
Cause that motion is not great for a guy who has balls

I attempted to add to my vocabulary but I and abandoned the aspiration after the letter A. As an aftereffect I have an awfully apparent affinity for apples

Have you ever told a lie that isn't a lie, yet. Like did you take the garbage pit before its too late? You say yes when you haven't done it with the intention of following through before you are found out

Mary hartman meets the big bang theory

Dynamite outlawed but jj walkers patented Dyn-o-mite fufilled a loophole and now dominates the explosives industry

A begger as a modern sherezade telling tales for sustenance (to use as a framing device)

He who dies pays all debts.

I heard they are repealing the right to remain silent

A glass manhole cover with a scary monster (or lacivious lad) climbing up

Suicide squad led by Charlie from Charlie's angels. Uses suicide hotline.

Go to the elementary school and drop pennies in the parking lot

Always bring own nametag to party (and extras)

Papa murphys law

Do you think hitlers dad was proud? When did get switch over like Walter white?
Artist
In jail but writing book that parents are proud of but never read.
"Well he's saying some harsh things but politicians never keep their promise."
First politician to keep his campaign promises

Invisible man super hero tv show (ghost). Stuck invisible. Following meets Amelie meets my name is earl each episode help one person

Pretend to mishear someone so they look stupid even though you are the one making the mistake

Its like trying to explain an orgasm to a ten year old

Has there ever been a great invisible superhero

Abbot costello bit about sending a telegram about a stop sign

Blind movie reviews

I could never date a midget, i love 69 you much

A confidant man lives in small world.
Placed in a new environment ... comedy gold.

The world on exists as how you imagine it to be. Most people imagine the world to breath more complicated than i do and this gives me confidence

Firemen aren't there to save your dumb ass if you catch your shit on fire, they are there to help save your ass and assets from your dumb as neighbors

Fold equity for confidence

Sunset moon mountain forest ocean beach feet pussy/dick tiiys lips blanket

When the student becomes the master, should nevers cease to be a student to his own teaching. (to phrase with animal metaphor)

A ring that holds water as a lense over a curvature that shines best at arms length revealing its to its beholder